>>"Ideally, you can help them build the confidence they need to read the paragraph, or add up the numbers, or decipher the word problem, or write that personal bit of narrative. That they’re competent and smart and deserve to use their voice. That they’re important to someone. That they’re worthy. Because they all are. That’s why I show up."
This is brilliant. See, that's why I like you. You're so smart in this way.
Also, I have a theory (one currently lacking data) that everyone likes to read. All kids like to read. It's just that we adults sometimes don't recognise *what* they like to read, or what they would enjoy reading if they had a chance. Not a new thing - I remember how immensely offputting my English Literature class's set texts were at school, UUUGH [Shakespeare/Chaucer/Dickens/Bronte etc.] AGAIN, KILL ME. But - boys in particular with their fidgetty ways and the faint air of "boys don't read, that's boring, buys DO stuff" hanging in the air, where reading gets turned into a "nerdy" pastime.
(I wonder about this: now that nerds have thoroughly conquered popular culture, do kids still take pot-shots at each other for being "nerdy"? Do you see that happening at school? Is it still a thing in the way it used to be?)
Also, I wonder how "I don't read" equates with all the information-by-text that enters everyone's brains in today's world. I Don't Read, but I consumed 30,000 words of text message today? Or I Don't Read, but I watched 4 hours of subtitled Japanese anime? I dunno. Maybe reading is messier and more porous than it used to be, and not just because of the interventions of screens and digital paper...
I'm sorry you missed the aurora. I remember I emailed you enthusiastically that night because I saw it was visible right round the northern hemisphere, but - I only *just* saw it, because I got my timing wrong, and like you was haunted by other people's photos from almost the same location, except showing the damn thing in its full damn glory, damn them.
But I agree. There's something special about standing there in the dark, waiting, but also just enjoying what is already happening, even if that's just watching darkness ebb and flow, and the slow emergence of everything at the edge of our vision that normally gets drowned out. I could certainly benefit from having more excuses to do that. And I wish there were more that were as socially acceptable as aurora-watching. Like: "oooh, according to this app it's an unusually strong dark out there! Look at that! Under 400 nanoLumens! Wanna join me in watching it? Wrap up well, it's bloody cold out there..."
I might not have checked the app if you hadn't nudged me! I wish we had gone out later, don't know how I forgot that that's the time to go. But you're right, there was something about it anyway. And my daughter was way more engaging than when we went two nights ago at midnight and she slept the entire time! I am glad you got to see it, even if it was only just.
I do love that idea of getting an alert when it's super dark. Why not?! That's when the stars are best seen anyway, but just ... getting to know the night? There's something alluring about that.
And absolutely, I agree with you about the reading. I spent many years doing volunteer reading with my kids' classmates, where you take the kids out individually and let them read to you. Their relationship with reading is so incredibly varied, and it's maddening that something like anime or graphic novels aren't considered "reading." How???? That's so lame.
I remember in second grade, the kids were about 7/8 years old, and one kid supposedly had trouble reading but what I realized was that he thought the end of each physical line was the end of the sentence, so his comprehension was all out of whack. He could read just fine. And another girl supposedly disliked reading, but if she had something she could act out she had no problem with it. Every one of them had an individual relationship with reading, but you have to have the resources and time to work with each one individually to realize that.
Not to mention most of the book selections were pretty lame, especially the nonfiction. I could go on and on about how the U.S. has leaned heavily into "young kids need to read more nonfiction" without actually providing them with nonfiction that's remotely interesting. It. Is. BAD.
>>"but just ... getting to know the night? There's something alluring about that."
Weirdly, I've just started seeing a lot of published and upcoming travel/place-related books about walking in the dark! Like John Lewis-Stempel's "Nightwalking", and the one I just got and started reading, "Under The Stars" by Matt Gaw. And a Twitter friend (Megan Eaves-Egenes) recently announced her upcoming book:
"I'm starting my first non-guidebook: a meditative travelogue on stargazing, light pollution, the dark & human nature. I'm looking for residencies/hosts/opportunities to spend time in dark places, dark-sky parks, astronomy sites, anyplace connected to darkness/the stars✨"
So maybe this is going to become a big wave in travel writing? I rather hope so...
>>"Every one of them had an individual relationship with reading, but you have to have the resources and time to work with each one individually to realize that."
Oh wow. Right, yes - not just teaching a standard form, but also recognising difference and having the skill to work with it? I mean, just the word "reading" is a host of assumptions, which I hadn't considered until I read your comment here. And this is why kids need skilled empathetic teachers who have the ability to problem-solve as much as they can take a one-size-fits-all approach...
>>"Not to mention most of the book selections were pretty lame, especially the nonfiction. I could go on and on about how the U.S. has leaned heavily into "young kids need to read more nonfiction" without actually providing them with nonfiction that's remotely interesting. It. Is. BAD."
Maybe a bit of this is the 'tyranny of usefulness', where nonfiction is seen as containing value, rather than itself being of value? Which leads to folk launching startups that try to boil down nonfic books into one-pagers that are "just as useful as the original book", complete with all that "I read it so you don't have to" efficiency stuff. But a book which is genuinely interesting HAS to be itself of value - it has to be fascinating and fun and engrossing? The value is The Thing Itself, rather than Number Of Monetizable Facts Per Page. I dunno - it feels like maybe it's adults that need to read more nonfiction, if that's become the view of the worth of a nonfic book?
Yes please more writing and thought about the dark! In fact, the podcast Pondercast that I share sometimes started as Laurie Brown's project devoted to the dark and nighttime, which I loved from the get-go. It's changed, as good things do, but I remember at first she did a lot of episodes devoted to things like walking at night, or going out in the pre-dawn. Megan Eaves-Egenes's project sounds excellent!
RE reading: You and I have talked a lot about storytelling and what books are, and maybe "What is reading?" is somewhere in that sphere, too. It's a way of absorbing and lightly analyzing information, sure, which is probably what schools have to focus on because that's what can be tested and is therefore tied to funding, but it's also a virtual reality experience and a way of turning written language into something entirely different. What that something is, maybe that's a subject for someone who writes about curiosity. ;)
I think that's true about nonfiction. It kind of wanders over into the realm of curriculum and standards development, which, again, is a lot more about easily identifiable metrics than it is about learning, much less helping a whole human being develop. It takes some imagination to realize that a nonfiction book is just as much of a story as a fiction book is, no matter what its subject.
I remember when "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" was such a big hit, and since I work in textbook publishing it came across my radar that it was the most requested book by high school science teachers in the U.S. for one of those websites where you can donate supplies to schools or teachers. Why? Because it's a well-told story! (Problematic in some ways, but the storytelling is still there.) A book about science, or any other subject, that can hook the imagination of teenagers is something of tremendous value all on its own. Too few people realize that. They think nonfiction is meant to be informative and "challenging," not realizing that "challenging" might just mean "not very well written or interesting."
Yes, challenges happen, but as you may have heard, suffering is an an animal of a different kind. This cowboy is tracking that one, but she is elusive and slips adeptly from an eager grasp.
Thank you. This was a gorgeous piece. What you share about what middle schoolers need is exactly what my husband said for years every night coming home after teaching them science. They need love. They need acceptance. They need encouragement. They need confidence. So many kids get nothing like that. A teacher has to help a child find success. He said it’s the hardest thing is to identify what kids are good at and what they’re not good at and help them with both in a large classroom. Sounds like you’re doing that.
We are the answer for our children not the other way around. Totally agree.
Today I had a bit of good news from the state legislature. The Senate did not pass the bill that would erode easements and stream access. That means we keep our rivers and streams public. I know my state senator and I called and emailed and he listened and voted to keep access and I thanked him for it. Amidst all the terrible stuff they do there is some glimmers of sanity. Not much, but some! I feel grateful for a little win today.
"It’s the hardest thing is to identify what kids are good at and what they’re not good at and help them with both in a large classroom." That's such an insight. To help with both, yes. And in things like science, too, which kids so easily identify as something they're "not good at" at such a young age.
That is a reprieve for a moment! Stream access and easements have been in the crosshairs for so long. All we can do is keep fighting them. I feel grateful for that little win, too, thank you for sharing!
Thanks for your beautiful stories and writing -- what a treat. We all need such moments of tenderness and care, wonder and awe. My son was once a sixth-grader and is now in college. Though I teach at the same university, I wrestle with similar questions - what would most benefit these brilliant young people? Surely not calculus or agricultural economics - apologies to any mathematicians here. I’ve just finished Wendell Berry’s 2022 masterwork, “The Need to Be Whole,” which has challenged all the last scraps of the mindset that raised me. Berry himself, and his writing, is a gift.
I have a degree in mathematics, but totally agree with your point! (I love math for its beauty and how it reflects and draws us into a relationship with the natural world -- all proportions and relationship with a vocabulary imposed on top.) Calculus was never my favorite anyway. ;)
One of my brothers-in-law once asked that question on Facebook, when I still had an account there, about what the most important thing was for kids to learn. This was maybe 10 years ago? Longer I think. I was already thinking a lot about climate change then and "emotional resilience" was my answer because I thought it was something we were all going to need. But I don't know anymore. "Someone cares about your existence" seems a good start, but of course you can't grade that. There are no metrics for feeling worthy, or learning to find others worthy and help themselves feel that they are.
I've been a bit hesitant to read the most recent book, partly because my to-read pile is already so huge but partly because I'm uncertain after reading this review (caveat: I know the author, whose book "This Radical Land" was really good! and who is a Berry fan but has some serious criticisms): https://slate.com/culture/2022/11/wendell-berry-need-to-be-whole-review.html
But I have bell hooks's "belonging" on that pile, which is in conversation with Berry, so maybe I could read them one after another?
AGREE! I loved Math, especially geometry and trig. Had a brilliant Calculus teacher in High School, but terrible in college.
I think about emotional resilience a lot, combined with how to grow food. Son is majoring in psychology (which, insanely, requires Calculus. . . .).
Interesting - will definitely check out that review. Berry doesn't hold back on anything, which will likely ruffle feathers. I read his book as a follow-up to Zinn's "People's History of the U.S." and it was an excellent pairing.
I am going to get very stuck on this calculus as a psychology requirement thing. WHY? I didn't even understand why it was required for my math degree. It's really more of a physics thing!
And definitely, how to grow, gather, and preserve and share food is a huge one.
As I read, I was rooting for you and your daughter to stay out deep into the night until you got to see the Northern Lights. It would have meant her missing school the next day, but I suspect she would remember that night with her mother many years after she had forgotten whatever it was she’d learned in school on any given day. After all, many of the greatest and most enduring lessons that life has to offer are not written in books, but in magical moments.
I am the doting father of three beautiful women, who, if I recall correctly, were once young girls. Some years ago my youngest sent an email telling me that, along with a couple of other classes, she had enrolled in an astronomy class at Spokane Falls Community College. She explained how the times I had taken her stargazing at the Bruneau Dunes Planetarium (I live in Boise) had stuck with her. She also recounted the time when I had painted, decorated, and furnished the coolest bedroom in the house for her to stay in during her visits. We worked together on the crowning touch to that room—attaching glow-in-the-dark stars on the blue ceiling in patterns that approximated the nighttime sky during the month of her birth.
I would make sure to "charge" the stars with light for about one hour before her bedtime. Then, when it was time to call it a night, I would tuck her in, maybe chat for a few minutes, then turn out the light, leaving the ceiling aglow in constellations. I reacted the same way every night as I made my way to the bedroom door, and apparently it never got old: "Hey look, Kara! The stars are out tonight!" She would gaze wide-eyed at the ceiling and smile.
"All happy memories," she wrote. I cried when I read her words.
As for your State Legislature, I live in Idaho and can feel your pain. I’ll just leave it right there.
Thank you so much for sharing these stories, Kenneth. I loved reading every word of this. I'm so glad your daughter has those memories! And I am the middle of three girls, so have a particular affection for trios of sisters. :) AND, I have those same glow-in-the-dark stars in my daughter's room, though I hadn't thought of placing them so creatively! But we watch the moon and stars together a lot, and it's definitely a point of connection for the two of us.
Our original agreement was that she'd miss school the next day when we went out to watch an aurora, and I wish I'd thought to stay out or go out late. The aurora forecast told me we had high chances early. Next time I'll remember that we need to go out late. We had a similar forecast--even better actually--the next night and I set an alarm to check the sky at midnight, but it was so thickly overcast it wasn't going to happen. The persistent overcast nature of our winters tends to be the big barrier.
And seriously, solidarity. I follow Idaho legislation and movements when I can, and often find myself saying that Flathead County (where I live) has been trying to build the spearhead of North Idaho in Montana for at least 20 years. We can only keep trying. 🧡
So powerful, Antonia. I resonate deeply with the torments and challenges parenting within the unbearably bizarre scenes presented now during this test of fire of dreams that were tinder for the bold political revolutions of the last three centuries in the West. The photo perfectly captures the personal moment you portray. I decided long ago not to parent. My reasons would resonate with the anguish I now hear so powerfully expressed. I am staying with what I have seen in these ‘pages’ of intelligence, skill and courage to face the seemingly insurmountable challenges presented. To parent as a guide who has been over similar the terrain, is involved in the child's journey, and feels compassion, but who also understands the difference between being stuck on iron rails someone has set and making your own walking composition is pure gold. And most important, no one is alone in writing the rest of this composition.
"No one is alone in writing the rest of this composition." I really like that.
A lot of the worry I hear from fellow parents with kids of similar age or younger boils down to "How do I tell them it's going to be okay?" To which the first step seems to be coming to terms ourselves with the reality that the question is actually, "How do I tell them it's *not* going to be okay?" Because even without the major challenges all life on this planet faces, suffering will happen in everyone's life. Learning to live well and joyfully, and be kind and all of that, while understanding that suffering can't be forever avoided, seems to be very important.
My gosh. I never thought about it in those terms, though definitely the “this was valuable time to spend together” was said. But what a beautiful way to put it.
Beautiful essay--and capture parenting so well. Trying not to be heartbroken at hearing my son relay how he learned after the latest lock down drill at his school that schools are being engineered and retrofitted in response to best defensive measures--essentially, we're building structures that anticipate violence. It's so infuriating that we've allowed this and accept this is part of what school looks like. We also went chasing after the lights this week, after seeing that they were appearing all over Anchorage, and managed to see a ghostly faint glow dance across the top of the sky above us. It's hard to process how the world is so cruel and expects harm, while it also presents such magic and beauty. The audio of the bird song was so beautiful to listen to--it was validating to read all of this in many different ways, so thankful to read it this morning.
What makes it extra awful is that for the schools who even have the money for those protective measures, it’s something for them to be proud of and it’s hard to blame them — it’s not the school districts who created this situation. (Stopping myself going into a deep, wordy fury about how school districts are so unequally funded in the U.S.) “Building structures that anticipate violence” is sadly too true.
I’m glad you got to see the glow! That’s something. And that the birdsong brought something. I couldn’t seem to catch it without the traffic roar in the background but it was good to hear the birds clearly over it anyway.
I'm writing through tears to tell you how much I loved this essay. I haven't ready a better piece about what it's like to parent in these times, and I'm going to go back and study how you made the seams so perfect and invisible. Gorgeous.
"I don’t know what kinds of lessons will be most useful for them in the future. Do any of us?"
I think about this all the time, especially with my students taking freshman composition at the college inside San Quentin Prison. Evidence, really? What does that even mean?
Thank you for this. 🧡 So many words and topics we could ask that about for so many situations. So many reading assignments that are just ... not okay given kids' circumstances. And lessons that become meaningless or even destructive in the face of realities.
Thank you for this beautiful essay, Antonia. As a mother of a sixth grader, and a public school teacher for the past 20 years, I relate to so much of what you’ve written.
I used to bristle when people would talk about the hope and faith they placed on and in our kids to solve the problems of ecological collapse, racism, etc. What an incredible and deeply fucked up burden. (Here, we broke this, but you’re resilient, smart and capable! You fix it!)
Much of my focus in my teaching over the past decade was in creating strong communities of mutual respect and care. Content and curriculum was very far down my list of priorities by the time the pandemic started. No kid is going to make themselves vulnerable or take risks in an educational setting when the potential for shame is high and their most basic needs haven’t been met.
During the pandemic I actively prayed for a total collapse of the system so that we might build a new model, one that acknowledges students’ full humanity. But yes, those old systemic roots grew back stronger than ever. Last year was so thoroughly soul crushing that I had to step away.
I had a crisis of faith: The system not only wasn’t going to change, things were going to get worse. I feel like I have less answers than I used to, but a lot more wholeheartedness.
Really glad there are people like you out there taking the time to just sit and talk to kids. Every little bit matters.
I'm really glad there are people like you out there, too, and thank you. 🧡 "Here, we broke this, but you’re resilient, smart and capable! You fix it!" Ugh, yes, exactly!
I agree with everything you've said here, and what a burden it all is to carry as a teacher. Along with burdening kids with hopes for the future, I wish we'd stop weighing down teachers, nurses, and so many others with "thanks for what you do" without given the resources or changing the structures in ways that allow it to be rewarded and done well.
I think I had some hope that the educational system would shift, too, when it was clear that so many other needs weren't being met and who cares whether your kid learns long division this year or next? They're not "behind." It's an arbitrarily imposed metric! But in so many places the roots did grow back and it almost seems like they grew deeper. I've never worked as a teacher, but your crisis of faith resonates.
"No kid is going to make themselves vulnerable or take risks in an educational setting when the potential for shame is high and their most basic needs haven’t been met." I wish so much that more people understood this, and don't get why they don't. ❤️🩹
“They're not "behind." It's an arbitrarily imposed metric!” THIS! The hand wringing about “learning loss” drove me/continues to drive me absolutely mad. As if there is a set timeline for learning and a fixed set of information that should be learned! Also, what if we acknowledged all that they did learn that can’t be easily quantified? Sigh. Thank you again for your continually thoughtful writing.❤️
It drives me nuts! I can’t imagine what it’s like as a teacher, getting that kind of pressure from both on top and often parents (so many of whom just don’t understand that there’s very little reasoning behind these metrics but expect them anyway!). Thank YOU! 💞💞💞
The splash images for my Newsletter are the Aurora Borealis. They are WORTH CHASING! I have thought about a post about the phenomena, the beauty, and the pure dumb luck of our planet protecting us via a magnetic field. Your personal story with your daughter was wonderful and inspiring. Thanks.
Thanks! They are definitely worth chasing. It's just a bit of a heave to get both myself and a kid out of the house in the middle of the night. We can't really see them from in town, so have to drive out a ways.
>>"Ideally, you can help them build the confidence they need to read the paragraph, or add up the numbers, or decipher the word problem, or write that personal bit of narrative. That they’re competent and smart and deserve to use their voice. That they’re important to someone. That they’re worthy. Because they all are. That’s why I show up."
This is brilliant. See, that's why I like you. You're so smart in this way.
Also, I have a theory (one currently lacking data) that everyone likes to read. All kids like to read. It's just that we adults sometimes don't recognise *what* they like to read, or what they would enjoy reading if they had a chance. Not a new thing - I remember how immensely offputting my English Literature class's set texts were at school, UUUGH [Shakespeare/Chaucer/Dickens/Bronte etc.] AGAIN, KILL ME. But - boys in particular with their fidgetty ways and the faint air of "boys don't read, that's boring, buys DO stuff" hanging in the air, where reading gets turned into a "nerdy" pastime.
(I wonder about this: now that nerds have thoroughly conquered popular culture, do kids still take pot-shots at each other for being "nerdy"? Do you see that happening at school? Is it still a thing in the way it used to be?)
Also, I wonder how "I don't read" equates with all the information-by-text that enters everyone's brains in today's world. I Don't Read, but I consumed 30,000 words of text message today? Or I Don't Read, but I watched 4 hours of subtitled Japanese anime? I dunno. Maybe reading is messier and more porous than it used to be, and not just because of the interventions of screens and digital paper...
I'm sorry you missed the aurora. I remember I emailed you enthusiastically that night because I saw it was visible right round the northern hemisphere, but - I only *just* saw it, because I got my timing wrong, and like you was haunted by other people's photos from almost the same location, except showing the damn thing in its full damn glory, damn them.
But I agree. There's something special about standing there in the dark, waiting, but also just enjoying what is already happening, even if that's just watching darkness ebb and flow, and the slow emergence of everything at the edge of our vision that normally gets drowned out. I could certainly benefit from having more excuses to do that. And I wish there were more that were as socially acceptable as aurora-watching. Like: "oooh, according to this app it's an unusually strong dark out there! Look at that! Under 400 nanoLumens! Wanna join me in watching it? Wrap up well, it's bloody cold out there..."
I might not have checked the app if you hadn't nudged me! I wish we had gone out later, don't know how I forgot that that's the time to go. But you're right, there was something about it anyway. And my daughter was way more engaging than when we went two nights ago at midnight and she slept the entire time! I am glad you got to see it, even if it was only just.
I do love that idea of getting an alert when it's super dark. Why not?! That's when the stars are best seen anyway, but just ... getting to know the night? There's something alluring about that.
And absolutely, I agree with you about the reading. I spent many years doing volunteer reading with my kids' classmates, where you take the kids out individually and let them read to you. Their relationship with reading is so incredibly varied, and it's maddening that something like anime or graphic novels aren't considered "reading." How???? That's so lame.
I remember in second grade, the kids were about 7/8 years old, and one kid supposedly had trouble reading but what I realized was that he thought the end of each physical line was the end of the sentence, so his comprehension was all out of whack. He could read just fine. And another girl supposedly disliked reading, but if she had something she could act out she had no problem with it. Every one of them had an individual relationship with reading, but you have to have the resources and time to work with each one individually to realize that.
Not to mention most of the book selections were pretty lame, especially the nonfiction. I could go on and on about how the U.S. has leaned heavily into "young kids need to read more nonfiction" without actually providing them with nonfiction that's remotely interesting. It. Is. BAD.
>>"but just ... getting to know the night? There's something alluring about that."
Weirdly, I've just started seeing a lot of published and upcoming travel/place-related books about walking in the dark! Like John Lewis-Stempel's "Nightwalking", and the one I just got and started reading, "Under The Stars" by Matt Gaw. And a Twitter friend (Megan Eaves-Egenes) recently announced her upcoming book:
"I'm starting my first non-guidebook: a meditative travelogue on stargazing, light pollution, the dark & human nature. I'm looking for residencies/hosts/opportunities to spend time in dark places, dark-sky parks, astronomy sites, anyplace connected to darkness/the stars✨"
So maybe this is going to become a big wave in travel writing? I rather hope so...
>>"Every one of them had an individual relationship with reading, but you have to have the resources and time to work with each one individually to realize that."
Oh wow. Right, yes - not just teaching a standard form, but also recognising difference and having the skill to work with it? I mean, just the word "reading" is a host of assumptions, which I hadn't considered until I read your comment here. And this is why kids need skilled empathetic teachers who have the ability to problem-solve as much as they can take a one-size-fits-all approach...
>>"Not to mention most of the book selections were pretty lame, especially the nonfiction. I could go on and on about how the U.S. has leaned heavily into "young kids need to read more nonfiction" without actually providing them with nonfiction that's remotely interesting. It. Is. BAD."
Maybe a bit of this is the 'tyranny of usefulness', where nonfiction is seen as containing value, rather than itself being of value? Which leads to folk launching startups that try to boil down nonfic books into one-pagers that are "just as useful as the original book", complete with all that "I read it so you don't have to" efficiency stuff. But a book which is genuinely interesting HAS to be itself of value - it has to be fascinating and fun and engrossing? The value is The Thing Itself, rather than Number Of Monetizable Facts Per Page. I dunno - it feels like maybe it's adults that need to read more nonfiction, if that's become the view of the worth of a nonfic book?
Yes please more writing and thought about the dark! In fact, the podcast Pondercast that I share sometimes started as Laurie Brown's project devoted to the dark and nighttime, which I loved from the get-go. It's changed, as good things do, but I remember at first she did a lot of episodes devoted to things like walking at night, or going out in the pre-dawn. Megan Eaves-Egenes's project sounds excellent!
RE reading: You and I have talked a lot about storytelling and what books are, and maybe "What is reading?" is somewhere in that sphere, too. It's a way of absorbing and lightly analyzing information, sure, which is probably what schools have to focus on because that's what can be tested and is therefore tied to funding, but it's also a virtual reality experience and a way of turning written language into something entirely different. What that something is, maybe that's a subject for someone who writes about curiosity. ;)
I think that's true about nonfiction. It kind of wanders over into the realm of curriculum and standards development, which, again, is a lot more about easily identifiable metrics than it is about learning, much less helping a whole human being develop. It takes some imagination to realize that a nonfiction book is just as much of a story as a fiction book is, no matter what its subject.
I remember when "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" was such a big hit, and since I work in textbook publishing it came across my radar that it was the most requested book by high school science teachers in the U.S. for one of those websites where you can donate supplies to schools or teachers. Why? Because it's a well-told story! (Problematic in some ways, but the storytelling is still there.) A book about science, or any other subject, that can hook the imagination of teenagers is something of tremendous value all on its own. Too few people realize that. They think nonfiction is meant to be informative and "challenging," not realizing that "challenging" might just mean "not very well written or interesting."
Yes, challenges happen, but as you may have heard, suffering is an an animal of a different kind. This cowboy is tracking that one, but she is elusive and slips adeptly from an eager grasp.
Thank you. This was a gorgeous piece. What you share about what middle schoolers need is exactly what my husband said for years every night coming home after teaching them science. They need love. They need acceptance. They need encouragement. They need confidence. So many kids get nothing like that. A teacher has to help a child find success. He said it’s the hardest thing is to identify what kids are good at and what they’re not good at and help them with both in a large classroom. Sounds like you’re doing that.
We are the answer for our children not the other way around. Totally agree.
Today I had a bit of good news from the state legislature. The Senate did not pass the bill that would erode easements and stream access. That means we keep our rivers and streams public. I know my state senator and I called and emailed and he listened and voted to keep access and I thanked him for it. Amidst all the terrible stuff they do there is some glimmers of sanity. Not much, but some! I feel grateful for a little win today.
"It’s the hardest thing is to identify what kids are good at and what they’re not good at and help them with both in a large classroom." That's such an insight. To help with both, yes. And in things like science, too, which kids so easily identify as something they're "not good at" at such a young age.
That is a reprieve for a moment! Stream access and easements have been in the crosshairs for so long. All we can do is keep fighting them. I feel grateful for that little win, too, thank you for sharing!
Thanks for your beautiful stories and writing -- what a treat. We all need such moments of tenderness and care, wonder and awe. My son was once a sixth-grader and is now in college. Though I teach at the same university, I wrestle with similar questions - what would most benefit these brilliant young people? Surely not calculus or agricultural economics - apologies to any mathematicians here. I’ve just finished Wendell Berry’s 2022 masterwork, “The Need to Be Whole,” which has challenged all the last scraps of the mindset that raised me. Berry himself, and his writing, is a gift.
I have a degree in mathematics, but totally agree with your point! (I love math for its beauty and how it reflects and draws us into a relationship with the natural world -- all proportions and relationship with a vocabulary imposed on top.) Calculus was never my favorite anyway. ;)
One of my brothers-in-law once asked that question on Facebook, when I still had an account there, about what the most important thing was for kids to learn. This was maybe 10 years ago? Longer I think. I was already thinking a lot about climate change then and "emotional resilience" was my answer because I thought it was something we were all going to need. But I don't know anymore. "Someone cares about your existence" seems a good start, but of course you can't grade that. There are no metrics for feeling worthy, or learning to find others worthy and help themselves feel that they are.
I've been a bit hesitant to read the most recent book, partly because my to-read pile is already so huge but partly because I'm uncertain after reading this review (caveat: I know the author, whose book "This Radical Land" was really good! and who is a Berry fan but has some serious criticisms): https://slate.com/culture/2022/11/wendell-berry-need-to-be-whole-review.html
But I have bell hooks's "belonging" on that pile, which is in conversation with Berry, so maybe I could read them one after another?
AGREE! I loved Math, especially geometry and trig. Had a brilliant Calculus teacher in High School, but terrible in college.
I think about emotional resilience a lot, combined with how to grow food. Son is majoring in psychology (which, insanely, requires Calculus. . . .).
Interesting - will definitely check out that review. Berry doesn't hold back on anything, which will likely ruffle feathers. I read his book as a follow-up to Zinn's "People's History of the U.S." and it was an excellent pairing.
I am going to get very stuck on this calculus as a psychology requirement thing. WHY? I didn't even understand why it was required for my math degree. It's really more of a physics thing!
And definitely, how to grow, gather, and preserve and share food is a huge one.
Thank you for this, Antonia.
As I read, I was rooting for you and your daughter to stay out deep into the night until you got to see the Northern Lights. It would have meant her missing school the next day, but I suspect she would remember that night with her mother many years after she had forgotten whatever it was she’d learned in school on any given day. After all, many of the greatest and most enduring lessons that life has to offer are not written in books, but in magical moments.
I am the doting father of three beautiful women, who, if I recall correctly, were once young girls. Some years ago my youngest sent an email telling me that, along with a couple of other classes, she had enrolled in an astronomy class at Spokane Falls Community College. She explained how the times I had taken her stargazing at the Bruneau Dunes Planetarium (I live in Boise) had stuck with her. She also recounted the time when I had painted, decorated, and furnished the coolest bedroom in the house for her to stay in during her visits. We worked together on the crowning touch to that room—attaching glow-in-the-dark stars on the blue ceiling in patterns that approximated the nighttime sky during the month of her birth.
I would make sure to "charge" the stars with light for about one hour before her bedtime. Then, when it was time to call it a night, I would tuck her in, maybe chat for a few minutes, then turn out the light, leaving the ceiling aglow in constellations. I reacted the same way every night as I made my way to the bedroom door, and apparently it never got old: "Hey look, Kara! The stars are out tonight!" She would gaze wide-eyed at the ceiling and smile.
"All happy memories," she wrote. I cried when I read her words.
As for your State Legislature, I live in Idaho and can feel your pain. I’ll just leave it right there.
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“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.”
― Muriel Rukeyser
Thank you so much for sharing these stories, Kenneth. I loved reading every word of this. I'm so glad your daughter has those memories! And I am the middle of three girls, so have a particular affection for trios of sisters. :) AND, I have those same glow-in-the-dark stars in my daughter's room, though I hadn't thought of placing them so creatively! But we watch the moon and stars together a lot, and it's definitely a point of connection for the two of us.
Our original agreement was that she'd miss school the next day when we went out to watch an aurora, and I wish I'd thought to stay out or go out late. The aurora forecast told me we had high chances early. Next time I'll remember that we need to go out late. We had a similar forecast--even better actually--the next night and I set an alarm to check the sky at midnight, but it was so thickly overcast it wasn't going to happen. The persistent overcast nature of our winters tends to be the big barrier.
And seriously, solidarity. I follow Idaho legislation and movements when I can, and often find myself saying that Flathead County (where I live) has been trying to build the spearhead of North Idaho in Montana for at least 20 years. We can only keep trying. 🧡
So powerful, Antonia. I resonate deeply with the torments and challenges parenting within the unbearably bizarre scenes presented now during this test of fire of dreams that were tinder for the bold political revolutions of the last three centuries in the West. The photo perfectly captures the personal moment you portray. I decided long ago not to parent. My reasons would resonate with the anguish I now hear so powerfully expressed. I am staying with what I have seen in these ‘pages’ of intelligence, skill and courage to face the seemingly insurmountable challenges presented. To parent as a guide who has been over similar the terrain, is involved in the child's journey, and feels compassion, but who also understands the difference between being stuck on iron rails someone has set and making your own walking composition is pure gold. And most important, no one is alone in writing the rest of this composition.
"No one is alone in writing the rest of this composition." I really like that.
A lot of the worry I hear from fellow parents with kids of similar age or younger boils down to "How do I tell them it's going to be okay?" To which the first step seems to be coming to terms ourselves with the reality that the question is actually, "How do I tell them it's *not* going to be okay?" Because even without the major challenges all life on this planet faces, suffering will happen in everyone's life. Learning to live well and joyfully, and be kind and all of that, while understanding that suffering can't be forever avoided, seems to be very important.
You might not have seen the aurora, but it sounds like you and your daughter saw each other -- which seems way more important.
My gosh. I never thought about it in those terms, though definitely the “this was valuable time to spend together” was said. But what a beautiful way to put it.
Beautiful essay--and capture parenting so well. Trying not to be heartbroken at hearing my son relay how he learned after the latest lock down drill at his school that schools are being engineered and retrofitted in response to best defensive measures--essentially, we're building structures that anticipate violence. It's so infuriating that we've allowed this and accept this is part of what school looks like. We also went chasing after the lights this week, after seeing that they were appearing all over Anchorage, and managed to see a ghostly faint glow dance across the top of the sky above us. It's hard to process how the world is so cruel and expects harm, while it also presents such magic and beauty. The audio of the bird song was so beautiful to listen to--it was validating to read all of this in many different ways, so thankful to read it this morning.
What makes it extra awful is that for the schools who even have the money for those protective measures, it’s something for them to be proud of and it’s hard to blame them — it’s not the school districts who created this situation. (Stopping myself going into a deep, wordy fury about how school districts are so unequally funded in the U.S.) “Building structures that anticipate violence” is sadly too true.
I’m glad you got to see the glow! That’s something. And that the birdsong brought something. I couldn’t seem to catch it without the traffic roar in the background but it was good to hear the birds clearly over it anyway.
I'm writing through tears to tell you how much I loved this essay. I haven't ready a better piece about what it's like to parent in these times, and I'm going to go back and study how you made the seams so perfect and invisible. Gorgeous.
That is such a huge compliment in so many different ways I have to keep turning it around to look at it from different sides. 🧡 Thank you!
"I don’t know what kinds of lessons will be most useful for them in the future. Do any of us?"
I think about this all the time, especially with my students taking freshman composition at the college inside San Quentin Prison. Evidence, really? What does that even mean?
Thank you for this. 🧡 So many words and topics we could ask that about for so many situations. So many reading assignments that are just ... not okay given kids' circumstances. And lessons that become meaningless or even destructive in the face of realities.
Thank you for this beautiful essay, Antonia. As a mother of a sixth grader, and a public school teacher for the past 20 years, I relate to so much of what you’ve written.
I used to bristle when people would talk about the hope and faith they placed on and in our kids to solve the problems of ecological collapse, racism, etc. What an incredible and deeply fucked up burden. (Here, we broke this, but you’re resilient, smart and capable! You fix it!)
Much of my focus in my teaching over the past decade was in creating strong communities of mutual respect and care. Content and curriculum was very far down my list of priorities by the time the pandemic started. No kid is going to make themselves vulnerable or take risks in an educational setting when the potential for shame is high and their most basic needs haven’t been met.
During the pandemic I actively prayed for a total collapse of the system so that we might build a new model, one that acknowledges students’ full humanity. But yes, those old systemic roots grew back stronger than ever. Last year was so thoroughly soul crushing that I had to step away.
I had a crisis of faith: The system not only wasn’t going to change, things were going to get worse. I feel like I have less answers than I used to, but a lot more wholeheartedness.
Really glad there are people like you out there taking the time to just sit and talk to kids. Every little bit matters.
I'm really glad there are people like you out there, too, and thank you. 🧡 "Here, we broke this, but you’re resilient, smart and capable! You fix it!" Ugh, yes, exactly!
I agree with everything you've said here, and what a burden it all is to carry as a teacher. Along with burdening kids with hopes for the future, I wish we'd stop weighing down teachers, nurses, and so many others with "thanks for what you do" without given the resources or changing the structures in ways that allow it to be rewarded and done well.
I think I had some hope that the educational system would shift, too, when it was clear that so many other needs weren't being met and who cares whether your kid learns long division this year or next? They're not "behind." It's an arbitrarily imposed metric! But in so many places the roots did grow back and it almost seems like they grew deeper. I've never worked as a teacher, but your crisis of faith resonates.
"No kid is going to make themselves vulnerable or take risks in an educational setting when the potential for shame is high and their most basic needs haven’t been met." I wish so much that more people understood this, and don't get why they don't. ❤️🩹
“They're not "behind." It's an arbitrarily imposed metric!” THIS! The hand wringing about “learning loss” drove me/continues to drive me absolutely mad. As if there is a set timeline for learning and a fixed set of information that should be learned! Also, what if we acknowledged all that they did learn that can’t be easily quantified? Sigh. Thank you again for your continually thoughtful writing.❤️
It drives me nuts! I can’t imagine what it’s like as a teacher, getting that kind of pressure from both on top and often parents (so many of whom just don’t understand that there’s very little reasoning behind these metrics but expect them anyway!). Thank YOU! 💞💞💞
The splash images for my Newsletter are the Aurora Borealis. They are WORTH CHASING! I have thought about a post about the phenomena, the beauty, and the pure dumb luck of our planet protecting us via a magnetic field. Your personal story with your daughter was wonderful and inspiring. Thanks.
Thanks! They are definitely worth chasing. It's just a bit of a heave to get both myself and a kid out of the house in the middle of the night. We can't really see them from in town, so have to drive out a ways.
A beautiful piece, made my morning. Thank you
I’m so glad. Thank you. 🧡
Your words at sunrise stir the day into being. As a parent , my longing for this earths health and human health paramount. Thanks Nia
Mine, too, Harry. Mine, too. Hope it’s beautiful there.