“You are not alone” are four of the kindest words in English and a tonic against authoritarianism & totalitarianism for sure. Thank you as always, Nia.
My lol moment in this essay: “fly-fishing white guys dominating all the environmental literature space.” So so funny and true. Though there were much deeper moments to reflect on from this piece, this answered my deep need to express annoyance at the self-important fly-fishing white guys in Montana who take up so much entitled space on our rivers (and apparently our literature too). The most misogynistic sexist spaces I have ever inhabited in the West are county commission meeting rooms and fly fishing shops. I prefer county commission meetings if only because I can usually make them laugh. Anyway, snobby fly fishing guides aside, I do my best to try to find the best in people I know and avoid the ones like the plague flying “don’t tread on me” flags in their yards. And to watch Lord of the Rings at least once every two years.
I'm sorry to say it but it's true! And SERIOUSLY on county commission meeting rooms. But at least they're ostensibly trying to serve the public? (Though the Flathead County commissioners, I don't know ...) As for literature, honestly, you look at who's asked to keynote conferences, teach workshops and classes, show up at literary festivals, write op-eds in places like Outside, and you definitely sense a theme pretty darn quickly. I think I would mind less if it felt like they did more work to promote writers with different backgrounds and experiences, but I don't see a lot of that. A little, but not much.
I will give a shout-out to Lary's Fly Shop in Columbia Falls, which is owned by Hilary Hutcheson, who is awesome and does great work in the climate change/conservation space. And who seems to cultivate a good atmosphere among her guides.
I find myself laying low these days, doing some kind of creative practice each day, if only for 10 minutes. Writing offline is where my attention lies -- I am exhausted in body and mind yet am called upon to do a whole lot of stuff as a caregiver. Radical acceptance is where it’s at -- what’s keeping me going.
You do so much more than so many. I think of you and Sophie and your own mind and attention all the time. Radical acceptance really is where it's at because what choice do we have? I am so, so glad to think of that 10 minutes, though I'm sure it's a whole lot harder than it sounds to protect that time. 🧡 And more and more, I keep coming back to thinking about caregiving, and what it would mean to have a world and society structured around care of one another, of everyone. *Truly* restructured around it.
- “Human societies always, always need connection and relationships and trust.” : it’s interesting that the linguistic root word of the Arabic word of a Human comes from أَنَسَ، which translates to something like “familiarize”, and this requires connection and closeness.
- on having difficult conversations: I’m always asking myself, is it worth going into a difficult conversation with this person or that? Hence the inability of people to have difficult conversations stems from my view from two ideas: political correctness has really neutralized us into fear of offending, and our individualistic lives brought us to a level of self-centeredness that puts our individual comforts higher than our priority in growth and stretching ourselves a bit... thanks for this. Keep fighting for good.
I love learning that about the root of the word Human. Gives an entirely different perspective on the entire concept of a person than English, which if I think about it is really just a biological species description. (Arabic is a language I always wish I'd had the time to learn -- thank you for sharing!)
I think the comfort is the main thing when it comes to difficult conversations. Even within families there can be deep disagreement, and it's tiring when the simplest exchanges turn into difficult conversations. I'm not very good at difficult conversations but seem to end up in them all the time, so try to listen unless there's something I feel obligated to disagree with.
I hope we can all keep fighting for good wherever we are and in whatever capacity! I read your piece on Michel de Montaigne, by the way. It caught my attention because the wheat-ranching grandfather I mentioned at the beginning of this piece was a huge fan of Montaigne and I've been waiting to really have time to sit down and read him with attention, even just as a way of getting to know my grandfather better. Thank you for the reminder!
Ah de Montaigne was a revelation for me. I want to read his complete essays now (in Arabic). I just can’t seem to find it easily because they’re printed by one printing house and shipping costs are prohibitive. Next time I’m back home I guess!
The interview was hardly frivolous, it was absolutely delightful. The laughter was contagious. And I loved the sound of thunder in the background (and in your clip). And speaking of thunder, just as I lay down to sleep last night the sky started to rumble. I was hoping for a grand show but fell asleep. I suppose that’s not a bad thing!
I do not know how to decide when to engage and when to remain silent. I’ve always kind of liked a fight, but that rarely bears good fruit. I only know that I can connect with just about anybody one-on-one when we’re just doing life. Once ideologies and tribal influences come into play it’s another story. Smiling and laughing can sometimes build a bridge. Suffering, struggle, and grief can also build a bridge, but that’s some heavy lumber.
Imagining lives other than our own is so key to breaking through the accumulated encrustations that blind us, and that close our hearts and minds. That’s the power of story. It quickens the imagination in such a way that, at least occasionally, if all the stars are aligned, our way of seeing ourselves and the world is opened up to new possibilities. People are not persuaded by logical arguments, facts, and spreadsheets. They are persuaded by way of their imagination. Capture the imagination, and their hearts and minds will follow. Of course, unfortunately, that same dynamic applies to demagogues, charlatans, and tyrants. Such is the world we live in.
As for the good—I believe it is not something that we can necessarily become or possess. The good is something we can choose to turn our minds towards in such a way that our souls become transformed and realigned. We begin to think and act in ways that are more in harmony with that good, at least more so than if we chose a less virtuous polestar to gaze upon. The same applies to beauty, love, and gratefulness. We cannot possess them, but by following their gleam we begin to reflect some of that divine light. We become more like them. We become ambassadors if you will.
Does any of this make sense? I am very distracted today by the cooler temperatures and the leafy branches waving in the wind outside my window. I am convinced they are waving at me. I just waved back.
Christy's a great host, isn't she? She set the tone before we even started. It was nice to do an interview full of laughs for once. We were talking about candy before we started recording -- for better or worse, we both have a love for candy.
People really are persuaded most by story and imagination. You've mentioned teaching before -- that's not something I do, but it always seems to me that whatever connection happens in there, in the classroom or in those kinds of dynamics, does more than so much else. I used to do debate in high school and liked it a lot, but I've come to think that even thinking that way is part of the problem, since it doesn't matter how or if you win an argument if the person who disagrees with you either feels like they've lost something, or doesn't care.
This is absolutely beautiful: "We cannot possess them, but by following their gleam we begin to reflect some of that divine light. We become more like them. We become ambassadors if you will."
And yes, it makes sense! Also, I am now urged to go wave at some branches myself (it got very windy here today after hard rain this morning). Мир indeed (which as you probably know means "community" as well as "peace").
Yes she is. You two were a riot together. Great chemistry.
I'd have to say that genuine connections tend to happen more in the classroom than, say, at a local school board meeting. But seriously, when it happens, and that's not all the time, there's nothing better than watching a young person's eyes light up upon discovering a completely new way of thinking about something or a new way of seeing the world. I only taught for four years before my surgery, and then the pandemic hit, but it was easily the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
After listening to the interview I can picture you doing well in debate. You have a quick mind and you organize and articulate your thoughts very well. I wouldn't want to have to sit across that table from you. You'd clean my clock.
I didn't know the word also meant "community" as well as "peace." I love that. If one is communing with others it stands to reason that one is also at peace with them. And speaking of all things Russian...did I mention I'm reading The Brothers Karamazov with a small group this summer? We had our first gathering this past Sunday. Great stuff.
I imagine Christy could put anyone at ease! She's just got that kind of demeanor and personality. Though it's not often I meet some one who immediately brings out my snarky humor, which can be kind of a relief. I tend to keep it tamped down because it *can* hurt feelings.
I don't think I'd clean anyone's clock in debate these days! I think so slowly now, probably a good thing. But it did shape my urge to look at almost any subject from as many directions as possible. And I wish I'd been able to translate that into having energy for a classroom. I like speaking with kids and college students, but all that people-energy wears me out quickly. I do 30 minutes of math games with 3rd-graders once a week and am wiped!
"Mir" is "peace" but also refers to the ancient Russian system of communal village life, the "mir." A lot of complexities in it, but it directed how land was distributed in families, how sons were chosen to be sent for military conscription quotas, how tools were distributed. I'm still trying to understand how it fit within the system of serfdom, but it was interconnected.
You did not mention The Brothers Karamazov! Dostoevsky is definitely one of my touchstone authors, as is Nikolai Gogol, whose Dead Souls I've read a few times. Dostoevsky just ... there's something deeply, intensely so Russian about him. Not all the good stuff, some of the bad, too. But raw and honest and right there.
Yes to all of this. So beautifully said. I think about that idea in Tolkien so often--of the need to fight even when you know you won't win. That there is still utility in it is something I think about constantly. I also think constantly about the publishing world, ideas of what makes a "professional" in a world that is driven by capital and profit, gatekeeping rooted in oppression. There is something so true about writing not to get published but for the sake of creating, that is directly tied to fighting even when you know you can't win. You do it anyway, because it is what makes us whole, who we are, what we believe, what we feel. This: "which doesn’t negate the fact that everyone has a right to creativity. To write. To tell their stories. To express their own ways of seeing the world’s beauty and talking about their own pain. To see the worth in their own stories without needing an audience of thousands or millions to validate them. A system of scarcity constrains that ability, and limits the kinds of stories we get to read." Hell yes to this. I will fight and still head to the shire, friend. 💜
I will happily go in all Eowyn-ready with you, sword in hand, and then go plant things. She did become a healer afterward, after all. I forget that sometimes since they didn't include much of it in the movie.
The publishing conversations do drive me a little crazy. It's the weirdest industry, especially the big publishers, and then people within it try to sidestep the ways in which publishing really does choose successes by talking about the sanctity of art -- which is very real! I believe in art and its gifts. But if they say that you can't then expect to be paid, or paid much, then only people who already have private means get to write and you just keep going in circles ... it's not going to take down an old paradigm, much less build a new one.
I'm sure you have seen even more variations on that in the museum and art worlds. There's a quote I heard some time ago, I can't remember where from, that goes, "The secret to the Great American Novel is family money." 🫠
It's true, my one great disappointment with the extended LOTR movie version was that I thought it would include many more of the scenes with Eowyn and Faramir getting to know each other, and it ... didn't. But we'll always have the book versions!
I miss them, too! I hadn't realized how much less frequent they are now than they were growing up. Butte's had one pretty much every day, it's amazing.
If the world was not a broken place and all our suffering doesn’t help us deeply connect with another, then what else these elaborately designed human experiences are supposed to exude ? Impermanent as it is, this world is self organised to filter out what it cannot sustain, from that perspective every story of oppression, inequality, injustice, and suffering was necessary to shake us awake from our slumber and demand for change with voices big or small. I have been on the mission of saying the forgotten truths since last couple of years thinking that it will awaken acknowledgement of suffering of others equally in those who read them as it did in me. Maybe they will one day see themselves in the place of the oppressed and finally tell everyone they meet that it is awful to deny basic dignity or dehumanise people just because they are different from us. I am not sure if my pursuit took form in my reader’s consciousness but I still stand by the core principle of fighting for what is still worth saving. Thank you Antonia for reminding me of this. Isolation is an illusion created by powerful few to control the dynamics of our shared reality and create imaginary boundaries of separation through divided ideologies and worldviews. To hold compassion in such a world is a radicle act, one that screams of rebellion.
It reminds me of my favourite Thich Nath Hanh poem, Please call me by my true names.
"Every story of oppression, inequality, injustice, and suffering was necessary to shake us awake from our slumber and demand for change with voices big or small" -- literally, Swarna, this brought tears to my eyes. YES. And yes, that is not just clear in your work, it's something I feel constantly like a live wire, a living force. What you are writing and how you write it *matters*. Even your comments wherever I see them in the newsletter world hold that power.
And I very, very much needed to hear these words today and probably will for some time to come: "To hold compassion in such a world is a radical act, one that screams of rebellion."
Everything you wrote in this piece resounds deeply and loudly within my soul. You say everything I want to say but so much better. The urgency, anger, and sheer power of your words are not missed and I can reassure, as long as you write without compromising your truth, there will be plenty people to read and admire your writing. Thank you for doing this work, I thought I’m all in my head to believe that there is still some good in this world worth fighting for. 💜
I'll hang out in your head with you, have some tea, read some poetry, ... 🧡 And your words also have urgency, anger, love, and power. It comes through every time, that uncompromised truth. We need your words, your voice. All reminders that in believing in something better, we truly are not alone.
Always a wonderful write Antonia. Thanks for letting us in your head. Loved the LOTR references. While not the same nor nearly the same shared cultural event, when my children were young we watched the movie Secondhand Lions. There is an important speech from Robert Duvall to a boy coming of age. A similar lesson wrapped in a bow as from Sam.
For me, connection and discussion with those I disagree with comes from socializing across shared interests or efforts. I am in a tennis ladder with 30+ men for example. Our views and experiences are different. We arrive at the opportunity through a bit of common ground. I have a number of such connections and find them the venues where we can engage over other things.
Regarding Notes, I continue to struggle. When I stepped away from Substack I eventually returned and this time subscribed rather than just passively reading many stacks. After about a month, it has already become the time to unsubscribe and just save the URLs again. There are a small subset of people who write a kind note or two and I feel it right to respond. This means I make occasional trips and try very hard to avoid the dialog. This time around, I think I will perhaps unsubscribe from the ones that have ten Notes for every Post. I call it the Substack tax.
Love your photos ALWAYS. Somehow it reminds me of a talented author, Verlyn Klinkenborg. While I doubt he ever operated a baler, he wrote a book titled "Making Hay". It was a beautifully written story about living an existence on the land. Part of the story explored the unique nature of Montana as a place to raise cattle or at least hay.
Common activities are a good place to find common ground. I was talking with a friend about that a few months ago -- her kid is involved in sports, which mine aren't, and she's been subtly working on parent connections on various issues through that avenue (she's not even a U.S. citizen and so can't vote, but still cares enough to put in the work). It can make a huge difference, having those common activities. If nothing else, it at least makes conversations possible.
Substack tax is a good word for it! I saw mention that they're wondering how they can bring over protesting Reddit communities, which would make things even messier. Not that Reddit is all bad, it's just a very different and more chaotic dynamic. And any platform that makes social media-type distraction easy and seamless is automatically going to see a drop in engagement for longer form writing. Our brains are just too pulled to the variety and dopamine hits of the scroll.
That is a very kind thing to say to someone who really struggles to take decent photos! It's not a skill I've ever had the time to cultivate -- with the various obligations of my life, I've had to choose what to work on and photography took a backseat to writing -- but I do care about presenting photos that can give people something. Butte's so picturesque with all these mining head frames and hills and its dynamic sky that it's hard to go wrong! And a lot of wildflowers. I almost included a photo of penstemons by the side of the road, but went for the blue flax instead. I have a serious soft spot for blue flax.
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik
I'm in (1) town library friends committee & historical society (2) history book club (3) scotch club (4) virtual gym friends (5) tennis ladder (6) just started a Substack Pod for accountability (7) paternal family Zooms (8) climate change group (9) some Meetups (10) creative writing group (11) genealogy society -- often not enough time for them all but retirement ya know. Each of the circles is profoundly different and a window into lots of different perspectives. Nice to hear other perspectives even when sometimes they seem batshit crazy.
I saw that ridiculous Reddit comment -- I almost responded with GREAT -- it might mean the management would need to isolate Notes from Reading/Writing. If they want cat pics and arguments about nonsense, go for it but make it genuinely OPTIONAL and ISOLATED -- most disturbing it involved one of the Substack principals -- doesn't bode well.
My feelings about Substack have been pleasant overall but not TOO idealistic. It's always been clear they're focused on growth, whatever other sentiments about longform writing are expressed. Which shouldn't be a surprise! We are still, after all in a profit model.
Scotch Club sounds like a lot of fun! It's nice to keep a perspective in varying things. My committees under city council are very different from any work I do with the school, and both different from what I do with friends.
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik
You were so kind when I did my Substack Notes experiments. I know what it was like with no Subscriptions and intentionally subscribed to everything including my casual reads on return. I now have a firm understanding of which readers/writers really bludgeon the Notes experience even when I just want to acknowledge people kind enough to mention me. I am sort of ranking "the usual suspects" and will likely unsubscribe but continue to read -- if they generate an inordinate amount of traffic I might block, we will see. I realize everyone is different and respect that.
It may be obvious from the comments -- not a wallflower but a storyteller. When a good friend invited me to Scotch Club I warned, "I've never had a glass of scotch in my life!". My friend said, we know Mark, we aren't inviting you for your Scotch knowledge, you are here to tell stories. It is basically eight guys who are very different getting together and just having a conversation (and hiring an Uber). While a bit presumptuous, I wrote this way back in Oct 2021 when I was a tenderfoot to writing and only familiar with patent applications. It was about my Scotch Club -- I hope you like it. If anyone else takes the dive, let me know what you think. Friendships, however we foster them are precious. SO FUNNY when I started my Substack I did not send it to ANYONE and wrote anonymously for a bit. When I wrote this my only subscribers were my creative writing group members (4) and two others. Early days -- yikes -- https://markdolan.substack.com/p/scotch-whiskey
You took on that experiment for all of us, if you think about it. I was never going to get around to trying something like that.
It's always weird to look back on our earlier work. This podcast interviewer I talked with last week really did his research, brought up essays I'd completely forgotten about! That sounds like a good group of friends, in any case (so to speak). My spouse and I met in Scotland, where he also introduced me to good Scotch (Highlands, Edradour to be specific), which I'd hated before. Goes well with good stories!
Jun 14, 2023·edited Jun 14, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik
My first sips of Scotch reminded me of eating dirt. I've acquired the taste now and can spot the regional differences easily. I still much prefer bourbon and glad our group has branched out a bit.
What a nice origin story Antonia. Ask your husband what he thinks of my Scotch story. I accept criticism cheerfully. An eagle-eye will note that my bottle for the festivities that following night was actually a bottle of rye which the host gets to decide. Even amongst friends, rules are important :) If you are a music hound, the tune I linked in the post is a remarkably talented street musician. One can lose some time listening to DØVYDAS - a Ukrainian ex-pat rock and roller -- I sometimes think I wasted those early posts :(
Aside from the fact that Sam never points us wrong, I have serious respect for a hobbit who's committed enough to hold onto a box of salt almost to the end of the worst journey in the world "just in case."
I mean, you never know when your sketchy guide is gonna show up with a brace of coneys for you to ruin (aka cook)! Don't want those things to be as gamey as they come, right? He also held on to those seeds for a helluva lot longer than anyone would have, so fair play to him.
Absolutely. A guy after my own heart, even down to knowing the seeds and bit of soil were the most valuable treasure he could bring home. (It always bugged me that in the movie version they don't get around to eating the rabbit stew. Such a waste!)
I know! At least (in the extended editions of the films) they got around to one of my fave bits of JRR's writing. The rumination about the man slain from the oliphaunt (also a top-tier Gamgee moment) and their shared humanity is a passage that I always pause and breath in during my re-reads.
He certainly showed his quality - the highest. And leave it to the Original Salt Bae, Sam, to recognize it. Of all of the changes made from page to screen, Faramir's re-write was the one that I was most militantly against!
Nia- I can't wait to hear your interview on Grandpa and flying! In the end, he was lonely for the air... yes, you can be lonely when you're older, as the people who shared and define the world WITH you exit, and your family is absent, silent or distant. The habit of speaking to strangers on the street is a good one to cultivate young. p.s. Bob admires you greatly, but you were in your twenties when you met him; you are a dear friend and my daughter, but says he was never your "stepfather." Hope we run into you sometime up at the cabin! (It's yours now ❤️ -- may the pilings hold; it's been a long, wet spring!) Happy T storms, XO, mama
Unfortunately, the flying was only a passing mention -- she asked if Belgrade had an airport when I was growing up, and I remember Grandpa picking me up from there in his plane (I'm sure there will be corrections!). Yes, I know "stepfather" isn't the right word; it's a shorthand. This goes out to a couple thousand people and I don't always want to share a detailed family history!
Chris had a great line in his post last week - "We tend to live in a constant state of, Someone really needs to do something about that."
Maybe once people understand that all good thinking and believing outnumber the bad, fearful and ignorant perhaps then all of us will realize we can act to "do something about that".
I never miss a post of Chris's! He inevitably writes something I needed to hear. For some reason yesterday I also ended up rereading his one from a couple of years ago on the death of Barry Lopez and the need to find ways out of our own anger and judgment. Also excellent and to the point.
"We need to get organized" is the size of it, along with realizing that people need to stand up for what's right and stop worrying so much about hurting people's feelings over it (without being intentionally cruel, of course). Nothing I believe in will fail to insult the Regiers' beliefs, while failing to stand up for it allows them to continue hurting people's actual lives. There are times you look for common ground, and others where you just have to fight back. The sense I get from liberals in Flathead County is constantly "someone [usually the Democratic Party] should do something ..." and it's really frustrating. That's us! We're the someones! That's why I follow Forward Montana so closely. They seem to be organized and "doing something" far better than many.
Forward Montana is Montana's future. I want to see every one of those young people on the ballot and campaigning against the reactionaries for the 2025 legislature. I think there are some weak links in the Regier dynasty that can be eliminated by some common sense progressive and SUPPORTED candidates. The entrenched stupidity in Flathead, Sanders, Lake, Missoula, Ravalli counties will be tough to overcome, but there are definitely opportunities to put a lot of these old white guys/women permanently out to pasture.
Overcoming entrenched stupidity (and close-mindedness) in these counties: You said it, we need to get more organized.
Weak links in the Regier dynasty: I'm not sure where to start but they're so open about being Christian nationalists that standing up against that is a no-brainer.
Wow. Great read. Reminded me of raptitude.com article on blaming. I realize I don’t blame others for my failures, I always blame myself. Probably is where my depression arrives from.
Same. I suspect it's one of the failings or weaknesses of our culture, that we turn to blame -- whether outward or inward -- rather than having an overall ethos of responsibility across the board. There's a big difference, and it feels different, too. Thanks for the article!
Listening to your interview and getting a kick out of the wine gum and spotted dick references! And now of course I'd love to know what part of England your husband is from. I'm (mostly) from Portsmouth..
My parents grew up thinking that all stone was black. The buildings, and even the exposed rocks on the surrounding moors, were blackened by soot. Even in Portsmouth, we burned coal for heat.
“You are not alone” are four of the kindest words in English and a tonic against authoritarianism & totalitarianism for sure. Thank you as always, Nia.
So much gratitude for knowing you're out there, Greg! 🙏🧡
My lol moment in this essay: “fly-fishing white guys dominating all the environmental literature space.” So so funny and true. Though there were much deeper moments to reflect on from this piece, this answered my deep need to express annoyance at the self-important fly-fishing white guys in Montana who take up so much entitled space on our rivers (and apparently our literature too). The most misogynistic sexist spaces I have ever inhabited in the West are county commission meeting rooms and fly fishing shops. I prefer county commission meetings if only because I can usually make them laugh. Anyway, snobby fly fishing guides aside, I do my best to try to find the best in people I know and avoid the ones like the plague flying “don’t tread on me” flags in their yards. And to watch Lord of the Rings at least once every two years.
I'm sorry to say it but it's true! And SERIOUSLY on county commission meeting rooms. But at least they're ostensibly trying to serve the public? (Though the Flathead County commissioners, I don't know ...) As for literature, honestly, you look at who's asked to keynote conferences, teach workshops and classes, show up at literary festivals, write op-eds in places like Outside, and you definitely sense a theme pretty darn quickly. I think I would mind less if it felt like they did more work to promote writers with different backgrounds and experiences, but I don't see a lot of that. A little, but not much.
I will give a shout-out to Lary's Fly Shop in Columbia Falls, which is owned by Hilary Hutcheson, who is awesome and does great work in the climate change/conservation space. And who seems to cultivate a good atmosphere among her guides.
I didn't know you were an LOTR fan, yay!
I find myself laying low these days, doing some kind of creative practice each day, if only for 10 minutes. Writing offline is where my attention lies -- I am exhausted in body and mind yet am called upon to do a whole lot of stuff as a caregiver. Radical acceptance is where it’s at -- what’s keeping me going.
You do so much more than so many. I think of you and Sophie and your own mind and attention all the time. Radical acceptance really is where it's at because what choice do we have? I am so, so glad to think of that 10 minutes, though I'm sure it's a whole lot harder than it sounds to protect that time. 🧡 And more and more, I keep coming back to thinking about caregiving, and what it would mean to have a world and society structured around care of one another, of everyone. *Truly* restructured around it.
2 things caught me attention:
- “Human societies always, always need connection and relationships and trust.” : it’s interesting that the linguistic root word of the Arabic word of a Human comes from أَنَسَ، which translates to something like “familiarize”, and this requires connection and closeness.
- on having difficult conversations: I’m always asking myself, is it worth going into a difficult conversation with this person or that? Hence the inability of people to have difficult conversations stems from my view from two ideas: political correctness has really neutralized us into fear of offending, and our individualistic lives brought us to a level of self-centeredness that puts our individual comforts higher than our priority in growth and stretching ourselves a bit... thanks for this. Keep fighting for good.
I love learning that about the root of the word Human. Gives an entirely different perspective on the entire concept of a person than English, which if I think about it is really just a biological species description. (Arabic is a language I always wish I'd had the time to learn -- thank you for sharing!)
I think the comfort is the main thing when it comes to difficult conversations. Even within families there can be deep disagreement, and it's tiring when the simplest exchanges turn into difficult conversations. I'm not very good at difficult conversations but seem to end up in them all the time, so try to listen unless there's something I feel obligated to disagree with.
I hope we can all keep fighting for good wherever we are and in whatever capacity! I read your piece on Michel de Montaigne, by the way. It caught my attention because the wheat-ranching grandfather I mentioned at the beginning of this piece was a huge fan of Montaigne and I've been waiting to really have time to sit down and read him with attention, even just as a way of getting to know my grandfather better. Thank you for the reminder!
Ah de Montaigne was a revelation for me. I want to read his complete essays now (in Arabic). I just can’t seem to find it easily because they’re printed by one printing house and shipping costs are prohibitive. Next time I’m back home I guess!
Sounds like a quest!
The interview was hardly frivolous, it was absolutely delightful. The laughter was contagious. And I loved the sound of thunder in the background (and in your clip). And speaking of thunder, just as I lay down to sleep last night the sky started to rumble. I was hoping for a grand show but fell asleep. I suppose that’s not a bad thing!
I do not know how to decide when to engage and when to remain silent. I’ve always kind of liked a fight, but that rarely bears good fruit. I only know that I can connect with just about anybody one-on-one when we’re just doing life. Once ideologies and tribal influences come into play it’s another story. Smiling and laughing can sometimes build a bridge. Suffering, struggle, and grief can also build a bridge, but that’s some heavy lumber.
Imagining lives other than our own is so key to breaking through the accumulated encrustations that blind us, and that close our hearts and minds. That’s the power of story. It quickens the imagination in such a way that, at least occasionally, if all the stars are aligned, our way of seeing ourselves and the world is opened up to new possibilities. People are not persuaded by logical arguments, facts, and spreadsheets. They are persuaded by way of their imagination. Capture the imagination, and their hearts and minds will follow. Of course, unfortunately, that same dynamic applies to demagogues, charlatans, and tyrants. Such is the world we live in.
As for the good—I believe it is not something that we can necessarily become or possess. The good is something we can choose to turn our minds towards in such a way that our souls become transformed and realigned. We begin to think and act in ways that are more in harmony with that good, at least more so than if we chose a less virtuous polestar to gaze upon. The same applies to beauty, love, and gratefulness. We cannot possess them, but by following their gleam we begin to reflect some of that divine light. We become more like them. We become ambassadors if you will.
Does any of this make sense? I am very distracted today by the cooler temperatures and the leafy branches waving in the wind outside my window. I am convinced they are waving at me. I just waved back.
Мир
Christy's a great host, isn't she? She set the tone before we even started. It was nice to do an interview full of laughs for once. We were talking about candy before we started recording -- for better or worse, we both have a love for candy.
People really are persuaded most by story and imagination. You've mentioned teaching before -- that's not something I do, but it always seems to me that whatever connection happens in there, in the classroom or in those kinds of dynamics, does more than so much else. I used to do debate in high school and liked it a lot, but I've come to think that even thinking that way is part of the problem, since it doesn't matter how or if you win an argument if the person who disagrees with you either feels like they've lost something, or doesn't care.
This is absolutely beautiful: "We cannot possess them, but by following their gleam we begin to reflect some of that divine light. We become more like them. We become ambassadors if you will."
And yes, it makes sense! Also, I am now urged to go wave at some branches myself (it got very windy here today after hard rain this morning). Мир indeed (which as you probably know means "community" as well as "peace").
Yes she is. You two were a riot together. Great chemistry.
I'd have to say that genuine connections tend to happen more in the classroom than, say, at a local school board meeting. But seriously, when it happens, and that's not all the time, there's nothing better than watching a young person's eyes light up upon discovering a completely new way of thinking about something or a new way of seeing the world. I only taught for four years before my surgery, and then the pandemic hit, but it was easily the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
After listening to the interview I can picture you doing well in debate. You have a quick mind and you organize and articulate your thoughts very well. I wouldn't want to have to sit across that table from you. You'd clean my clock.
I didn't know the word also meant "community" as well as "peace." I love that. If one is communing with others it stands to reason that one is also at peace with them. And speaking of all things Russian...did I mention I'm reading The Brothers Karamazov with a small group this summer? We had our first gathering this past Sunday. Great stuff.
I imagine Christy could put anyone at ease! She's just got that kind of demeanor and personality. Though it's not often I meet some one who immediately brings out my snarky humor, which can be kind of a relief. I tend to keep it tamped down because it *can* hurt feelings.
I don't think I'd clean anyone's clock in debate these days! I think so slowly now, probably a good thing. But it did shape my urge to look at almost any subject from as many directions as possible. And I wish I'd been able to translate that into having energy for a classroom. I like speaking with kids and college students, but all that people-energy wears me out quickly. I do 30 minutes of math games with 3rd-graders once a week and am wiped!
"Mir" is "peace" but also refers to the ancient Russian system of communal village life, the "mir." A lot of complexities in it, but it directed how land was distributed in families, how sons were chosen to be sent for military conscription quotas, how tools were distributed. I'm still trying to understand how it fit within the system of serfdom, but it was interconnected.
You did not mention The Brothers Karamazov! Dostoevsky is definitely one of my touchstone authors, as is Nikolai Gogol, whose Dead Souls I've read a few times. Dostoevsky just ... there's something deeply, intensely so Russian about him. Not all the good stuff, some of the bad, too. But raw and honest and right there.
Thoughtful important words. Wonderful Interview. Delicious thunderstorms (on air and on your recording). Thanks
These thunderstorms! ⛈️
Yes to all of this. So beautifully said. I think about that idea in Tolkien so often--of the need to fight even when you know you won't win. That there is still utility in it is something I think about constantly. I also think constantly about the publishing world, ideas of what makes a "professional" in a world that is driven by capital and profit, gatekeeping rooted in oppression. There is something so true about writing not to get published but for the sake of creating, that is directly tied to fighting even when you know you can't win. You do it anyway, because it is what makes us whole, who we are, what we believe, what we feel. This: "which doesn’t negate the fact that everyone has a right to creativity. To write. To tell their stories. To express their own ways of seeing the world’s beauty and talking about their own pain. To see the worth in their own stories without needing an audience of thousands or millions to validate them. A system of scarcity constrains that ability, and limits the kinds of stories we get to read." Hell yes to this. I will fight and still head to the shire, friend. 💜
I will happily go in all Eowyn-ready with you, sword in hand, and then go plant things. She did become a healer afterward, after all. I forget that sometimes since they didn't include much of it in the movie.
The publishing conversations do drive me a little crazy. It's the weirdest industry, especially the big publishers, and then people within it try to sidestep the ways in which publishing really does choose successes by talking about the sanctity of art -- which is very real! I believe in art and its gifts. But if they say that you can't then expect to be paid, or paid much, then only people who already have private means get to write and you just keep going in circles ... it's not going to take down an old paradigm, much less build a new one.
I'm sure you have seen even more variations on that in the museum and art worlds. There's a quote I heard some time ago, I can't remember where from, that goes, "The secret to the Great American Novel is family money." 🫠
ha! Eowyn (and book Faramir) forever! 😂 And that quote--oof, yes. So accurate.
It's true, my one great disappointment with the extended LOTR movie version was that I thought it would include many more of the scenes with Eowyn and Faramir getting to know each other, and it ... didn't. But we'll always have the book versions!
Also thunderstoms in Alaska are becoming less anomalous, but I so miss them and that recording was marvellous.
I miss them, too! I hadn't realized how much less frequent they are now than they were growing up. Butte's had one pretty much every day, it's amazing.
If the world was not a broken place and all our suffering doesn’t help us deeply connect with another, then what else these elaborately designed human experiences are supposed to exude ? Impermanent as it is, this world is self organised to filter out what it cannot sustain, from that perspective every story of oppression, inequality, injustice, and suffering was necessary to shake us awake from our slumber and demand for change with voices big or small. I have been on the mission of saying the forgotten truths since last couple of years thinking that it will awaken acknowledgement of suffering of others equally in those who read them as it did in me. Maybe they will one day see themselves in the place of the oppressed and finally tell everyone they meet that it is awful to deny basic dignity or dehumanise people just because they are different from us. I am not sure if my pursuit took form in my reader’s consciousness but I still stand by the core principle of fighting for what is still worth saving. Thank you Antonia for reminding me of this. Isolation is an illusion created by powerful few to control the dynamics of our shared reality and create imaginary boundaries of separation through divided ideologies and worldviews. To hold compassion in such a world is a radicle act, one that screams of rebellion.
It reminds me of my favourite Thich Nath Hanh poem, Please call me by my true names.
"Every story of oppression, inequality, injustice, and suffering was necessary to shake us awake from our slumber and demand for change with voices big or small" -- literally, Swarna, this brought tears to my eyes. YES. And yes, that is not just clear in your work, it's something I feel constantly like a live wire, a living force. What you are writing and how you write it *matters*. Even your comments wherever I see them in the newsletter world hold that power.
And I very, very much needed to hear these words today and probably will for some time to come: "To hold compassion in such a world is a radical act, one that screams of rebellion."
Everything you wrote in this piece resounds deeply and loudly within my soul. You say everything I want to say but so much better. The urgency, anger, and sheer power of your words are not missed and I can reassure, as long as you write without compromising your truth, there will be plenty people to read and admire your writing. Thank you for doing this work, I thought I’m all in my head to believe that there is still some good in this world worth fighting for. 💜
I'll hang out in your head with you, have some tea, read some poetry, ... 🧡 And your words also have urgency, anger, love, and power. It comes through every time, that uncompromised truth. We need your words, your voice. All reminders that in believing in something better, we truly are not alone.
Coming from you fire-branded heart, this means the world to me Nia 🌼
Did I let my fire-branded heart show? Oops! 😉
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
I’m afraid so and not just once at that 😂 🔥
Always a wonderful write Antonia. Thanks for letting us in your head. Loved the LOTR references. While not the same nor nearly the same shared cultural event, when my children were young we watched the movie Secondhand Lions. There is an important speech from Robert Duvall to a boy coming of age. A similar lesson wrapped in a bow as from Sam.
For me, connection and discussion with those I disagree with comes from socializing across shared interests or efforts. I am in a tennis ladder with 30+ men for example. Our views and experiences are different. We arrive at the opportunity through a bit of common ground. I have a number of such connections and find them the venues where we can engage over other things.
Regarding Notes, I continue to struggle. When I stepped away from Substack I eventually returned and this time subscribed rather than just passively reading many stacks. After about a month, it has already become the time to unsubscribe and just save the URLs again. There are a small subset of people who write a kind note or two and I feel it right to respond. This means I make occasional trips and try very hard to avoid the dialog. This time around, I think I will perhaps unsubscribe from the ones that have ten Notes for every Post. I call it the Substack tax.
Love your photos ALWAYS. Somehow it reminds me of a talented author, Verlyn Klinkenborg. While I doubt he ever operated a baler, he wrote a book titled "Making Hay". It was a beautifully written story about living an existence on the land. Part of the story explored the unique nature of Montana as a place to raise cattle or at least hay.
Common activities are a good place to find common ground. I was talking with a friend about that a few months ago -- her kid is involved in sports, which mine aren't, and she's been subtly working on parent connections on various issues through that avenue (she's not even a U.S. citizen and so can't vote, but still cares enough to put in the work). It can make a huge difference, having those common activities. If nothing else, it at least makes conversations possible.
Substack tax is a good word for it! I saw mention that they're wondering how they can bring over protesting Reddit communities, which would make things even messier. Not that Reddit is all bad, it's just a very different and more chaotic dynamic. And any platform that makes social media-type distraction easy and seamless is automatically going to see a drop in engagement for longer form writing. Our brains are just too pulled to the variety and dopamine hits of the scroll.
That is a very kind thing to say to someone who really struggles to take decent photos! It's not a skill I've ever had the time to cultivate -- with the various obligations of my life, I've had to choose what to work on and photography took a backseat to writing -- but I do care about presenting photos that can give people something. Butte's so picturesque with all these mining head frames and hills and its dynamic sky that it's hard to go wrong! And a lot of wildflowers. I almost included a photo of penstemons by the side of the road, but went for the blue flax instead. I have a serious soft spot for blue flax.
I'm in (1) town library friends committee & historical society (2) history book club (3) scotch club (4) virtual gym friends (5) tennis ladder (6) just started a Substack Pod for accountability (7) paternal family Zooms (8) climate change group (9) some Meetups (10) creative writing group (11) genealogy society -- often not enough time for them all but retirement ya know. Each of the circles is profoundly different and a window into lots of different perspectives. Nice to hear other perspectives even when sometimes they seem batshit crazy.
I saw that ridiculous Reddit comment -- I almost responded with GREAT -- it might mean the management would need to isolate Notes from Reading/Writing. If they want cat pics and arguments about nonsense, go for it but make it genuinely OPTIONAL and ISOLATED -- most disturbing it involved one of the Substack principals -- doesn't bode well.
My feelings about Substack have been pleasant overall but not TOO idealistic. It's always been clear they're focused on growth, whatever other sentiments about longform writing are expressed. Which shouldn't be a surprise! We are still, after all in a profit model.
Scotch Club sounds like a lot of fun! It's nice to keep a perspective in varying things. My committees under city council are very different from any work I do with the school, and both different from what I do with friends.
You were so kind when I did my Substack Notes experiments. I know what it was like with no Subscriptions and intentionally subscribed to everything including my casual reads on return. I now have a firm understanding of which readers/writers really bludgeon the Notes experience even when I just want to acknowledge people kind enough to mention me. I am sort of ranking "the usual suspects" and will likely unsubscribe but continue to read -- if they generate an inordinate amount of traffic I might block, we will see. I realize everyone is different and respect that.
It may be obvious from the comments -- not a wallflower but a storyteller. When a good friend invited me to Scotch Club I warned, "I've never had a glass of scotch in my life!". My friend said, we know Mark, we aren't inviting you for your Scotch knowledge, you are here to tell stories. It is basically eight guys who are very different getting together and just having a conversation (and hiring an Uber). While a bit presumptuous, I wrote this way back in Oct 2021 when I was a tenderfoot to writing and only familiar with patent applications. It was about my Scotch Club -- I hope you like it. If anyone else takes the dive, let me know what you think. Friendships, however we foster them are precious. SO FUNNY when I started my Substack I did not send it to ANYONE and wrote anonymously for a bit. When I wrote this my only subscribers were my creative writing group members (4) and two others. Early days -- yikes -- https://markdolan.substack.com/p/scotch-whiskey
You took on that experiment for all of us, if you think about it. I was never going to get around to trying something like that.
It's always weird to look back on our earlier work. This podcast interviewer I talked with last week really did his research, brought up essays I'd completely forgotten about! That sounds like a good group of friends, in any case (so to speak). My spouse and I met in Scotland, where he also introduced me to good Scotch (Highlands, Edradour to be specific), which I'd hated before. Goes well with good stories!
My first sips of Scotch reminded me of eating dirt. I've acquired the taste now and can spot the regional differences easily. I still much prefer bourbon and glad our group has branched out a bit.
What a nice origin story Antonia. Ask your husband what he thinks of my Scotch story. I accept criticism cheerfully. An eagle-eye will note that my bottle for the festivities that following night was actually a bottle of rye which the host gets to decide. Even amongst friends, rules are important :) If you are a music hound, the tune I linked in the post is a remarkably talented street musician. One can lose some time listening to DØVYDAS - a Ukrainian ex-pat rock and roller -- I sometimes think I wasted those early posts :(
I mean...if I see Samwise in the title, I'm gonna read through to the end :) Keep up the good fight, don't let the bastards get ya down.
Aside from the fact that Sam never points us wrong, I have serious respect for a hobbit who's committed enough to hold onto a box of salt almost to the end of the worst journey in the world "just in case."
I mean, you never know when your sketchy guide is gonna show up with a brace of coneys for you to ruin (aka cook)! Don't want those things to be as gamey as they come, right? He also held on to those seeds for a helluva lot longer than anyone would have, so fair play to him.
Absolutely. A guy after my own heart, even down to knowing the seeds and bit of soil were the most valuable treasure he could bring home. (It always bugged me that in the movie version they don't get around to eating the rabbit stew. Such a waste!)
I know! At least (in the extended editions of the films) they got around to one of my fave bits of JRR's writing. The rumination about the man slain from the oliphaunt (also a top-tier Gamgee moment) and their shared humanity is a passage that I always pause and breath in during my re-reads.
Which is why Faramir is one of my favorite understated characters. 🤗
He certainly showed his quality - the highest. And leave it to the Original Salt Bae, Sam, to recognize it. Of all of the changes made from page to screen, Faramir's re-write was the one that I was most militantly against!
Nia- I can't wait to hear your interview on Grandpa and flying! In the end, he was lonely for the air... yes, you can be lonely when you're older, as the people who shared and define the world WITH you exit, and your family is absent, silent or distant. The habit of speaking to strangers on the street is a good one to cultivate young. p.s. Bob admires you greatly, but you were in your twenties when you met him; you are a dear friend and my daughter, but says he was never your "stepfather." Hope we run into you sometime up at the cabin! (It's yours now ❤️ -- may the pilings hold; it's been a long, wet spring!) Happy T storms, XO, mama
Unfortunately, the flying was only a passing mention -- she asked if Belgrade had an airport when I was growing up, and I remember Grandpa picking me up from there in his plane (I'm sure there will be corrections!). Yes, I know "stepfather" isn't the right word; it's a shorthand. This goes out to a couple thousand people and I don't always want to share a detailed family history!
Chris had a great line in his post last week - "We tend to live in a constant state of, Someone really needs to do something about that."
Maybe once people understand that all good thinking and believing outnumber the bad, fearful and ignorant perhaps then all of us will realize we can act to "do something about that".
We need to get organized.
I never miss a post of Chris's! He inevitably writes something I needed to hear. For some reason yesterday I also ended up rereading his one from a couple of years ago on the death of Barry Lopez and the need to find ways out of our own anger and judgment. Also excellent and to the point.
"We need to get organized" is the size of it, along with realizing that people need to stand up for what's right and stop worrying so much about hurting people's feelings over it (without being intentionally cruel, of course). Nothing I believe in will fail to insult the Regiers' beliefs, while failing to stand up for it allows them to continue hurting people's actual lives. There are times you look for common ground, and others where you just have to fight back. The sense I get from liberals in Flathead County is constantly "someone [usually the Democratic Party] should do something ..." and it's really frustrating. That's us! We're the someones! That's why I follow Forward Montana so closely. They seem to be organized and "doing something" far better than many.
Forward Montana is Montana's future. I want to see every one of those young people on the ballot and campaigning against the reactionaries for the 2025 legislature. I think there are some weak links in the Regier dynasty that can be eliminated by some common sense progressive and SUPPORTED candidates. The entrenched stupidity in Flathead, Sanders, Lake, Missoula, Ravalli counties will be tough to overcome, but there are definitely opportunities to put a lot of these old white guys/women permanently out to pasture.
Forward Montana on the ballot: ME, TOO. 💪
Overcoming entrenched stupidity (and close-mindedness) in these counties: You said it, we need to get more organized.
Weak links in the Regier dynasty: I'm not sure where to start but they're so open about being Christian nationalists that standing up against that is a no-brainer.
Wow. Great read. Reminded me of raptitude.com article on blaming. I realize I don’t blame others for my failures, I always blame myself. Probably is where my depression arrives from.
Same. I suspect it's one of the failings or weaknesses of our culture, that we turn to blame -- whether outward or inward -- rather than having an overall ethos of responsibility across the board. There's a big difference, and it feels different, too. Thanks for the article!
Listening to your interview and getting a kick out of the wine gum and spotted dick references! And now of course I'd love to know what part of England your husband is from. I'm (mostly) from Portsmouth..
Nottingham! I should have mentioned it in the conversation, seeing as how I'm in Butte and Notts was a big coal mining region for a long time.
My parents were from Rotherham, a steel town.
Industrial Belt of England ...
My parents grew up thinking that all stone was black. The buildings, and even the exposed rocks on the surrounding moors, were blackened by soot. Even in Portsmouth, we burned coal for heat.
That interview was fun! Thanks for posting it.
It felt good to laugh for a bit. ☺️🧡