You never know, I could be an asshole in real life! I'm not but I could be 😂
There is something about Baby-Sitter's Club. The image it shows of healthy female friendships, healthy navigation of tricky family dynamics, and so much love ...
You're writing with great presence through the swiss-cheese-thinking, Nia. I'm sorry to hear about All The Things, and I hope for healing to be as slow and complete as you need it to be. May there be plenty of time for that.
Gosh, I'm so sorry to be reading this several days after you posted! I hope that you're all feeling a bit better! I did a deep dive into that Swedish woman's YouTube channel, so I thank you for diverting me from facing the real world.
Don't be sorry! One of the things I've appreciated about Substack vs. social media is I never, ever feel like I have to read or respond to things immediately, or even in a particularly timely way.
I am weirdly riveted by that channel. It's not the kind of thing I usually spend time on at all but somehow I'm hooked? I think it's partly that she seems to be living the life I always strive for, except she's not getting sidetracked by The Baby-Sitter's Club 😂
I'm so sorry to hear about your recent trials. If this is how you write on brain fog, I want some of what you're having without the bad parts! I do hope all of that is beginning to resolve.
Coincidentally, I just happened across some "doomreading" recommendations by Zeynep Tufekci, the first of which relates to Ukraine and that region (Timothy Snyder - Bloodlands). Others in the comments recommended Serhii Plokhy's Gates of Europe and the 2019 film "Mr. Jones" ( Agnieszka Holland) about the Ukraine famine, though the latter sounds pretty harrowing.
That is very complimentary, thank you! It did take me longer than usual, though my attention felt weirdly more focused, too. The bigger issue is turning out to be the reading, both books (I keep trying to open the Russia one and just can't keep my attention on it), and my paid copy editing work, which is probably a bigger problem if it doesn't resolve soon. Also multi-tasking. My testing-negative kiddo's been back in school a couple of days, and the whole morning preparation hour has been a challenge for me.
Those sound like great recommendations -- I trust Zeynep's judgment on these kinds of issues and perspectives! I'm very tempted by the Anne Reid book "Borderland," just because I loved her book about the Siege of Leningrad so much plus it sounds like it has that deeper history in it.
"I hoped we’d escape effects like brain fog, and exhaustion, and crawling around the house trying to feed people chicken soup and orange juice and tea, while wanting to do nothing but huddle miserably under blankets. But here we are. Or were. I’m not sure."
Hopefully the brain fog will lift. It's been two years since I got Covid the first time, followed by the year and a half of the slow recovery. The brain works OK, but the physical heart took some damage. I was feeling fine by December and then all hell breaks after Christmas, still cruising along and I got the three-week cruds. Was it BA.2? Doesn't test for it, but sure feels like a much lighter version of the last time I got Covid.
In any event, I hope it lifts for you here soon. It's no good when it sticks around.
"Mostly, I don’t want the people of Ukraine to have to face the stupid, insane cruelty of what’s coming."
I'm sorry. Looks like he's going to wreck the Ukrainian armed forces, trash the government and leave, à la Gulf War I. (The man is good at trolling; he seems to see it as half his job.) I've been expecting this particular conflict for 30 years, and it happily kept not breaking out. I was hoping it would keep not breaking out but no such luck. I'm sorry. 🤍
I am so sorry. That long recovery and a damaged heart sounds incredibly difficult -- maybe even more frustrating because it's not uncommon. I hope things repair for you soon.
I think I agree with you except for the leaving part. I was hoping it would keep not breaking out, too, but honestly I don't think Putin believes anyone has the capacity or will to stop him.
I hope that you are all on the mend. Illnesses piling on top of each other are the worst. I hope you will share more on that Kustanovich book when you finish it.
I will! Promise. Yeah, I'm wondering now if it's possible the primary infection made the Covid worse because it seems to have hit us harder than a lot of people I know who got it recently. But who knows.
Oh no, I hope everyone returns to health soon. You know it's bad when reading becomes so difficult. It's a sad, hard time right now in so many ways. Much love to you and your family near and far.
All my best to you and family, I cannot imagine what you must be going through. We are all thinking of you and sending thoughts our way. Another wonderful, piercing column from you, thanks so much. 🧡
Thank you 💕 Let's send those thoughts to Ukraine! I really haven't even started to contemplate the many bad ways this could turn out. I think a bit part of me is just hoping it'll fizzle.
All my best to your ailing family. I woke up this morning with an image of your smiling face in my mind, which tells me you were part of a dream I was having though I have no memory of it. I hope we were doing something adventurous. I'm certain we were, in fact. Hang in there!
I've thought about trying to find my box of pictures from Ukraine. I took them in the summer of '03, just before the Orange Revolution. It's hard to decide whether I haven't dug them out because I don't want to look for them (they're either under my bed or in a dresser upstairs or maybe above my closet, I couldn't say), or because I don't want to see those faces again and think about them being in front of Russian troops.
I'm sorry to hear that the illness had descended on your house. We all have those seasons, and they are just the absolute worst.
If you do find them, I'd love to see them. Maybe with some scramblin' scribbles about your travels? I've never been there. Though I hear you -- thinking about facing that reality right now is very hard.
What a brilliant and moving essay. I have been steeping in my own dread over what may be coming for Ukraine and—because we are all connected—for the world. When I mix that with the plague of post-covid brain fog, the future looks even blurrier to me than usual. I guess all we can do is cling to our remaining brain cells, shore up our gradually decaying civility, and hope for a pendulum swing back to empathy, sanity, and hopefulness.
That is a hope I can get behind, and efforts I can hopefully engage in. I've barely had the courage to face the dread, it all seems so unthinkable. And yet here it is, being thought and done, and who knows what the outcomes will be in the short and the long terms both.
Hope you guys are felling better. First covid really knocked us out. Omicron wasn't nearly as bad, but still put most of us in bed watching shows all day.
I've been thinking about how to get resources on the Ukraine issue, and should have thought of you. I don't know how to avoid narrative capture, but I've been trying to at least be skeptical of all claims and positions. Do you have any recommendations for Ukrainian history?
Much more academic, and only available for free until the end of March, but that's a link to Cambridge University Press's Ukraine articles, which they've temporarily opened to the public.
The author is Lithuanian and works in Waterstones, the major British book chain. I was going to recommend starting with Svetlana Alexeivitch (who's Belarussian) but don't know that she's written specifically about Ukraine. Most of these I haven't read and many I haven't heard of. (Garry Kasparov and Masha Gessen's books were on my mental TBR pile years ago but I never got around to picking them up.) I did pause on Anna Reid's "Borderland" suggestion. I *think* that's the same Anna Reid who wrote "Leningrad," about the World War II Siege of Leningrad, and I thought that book was excellent. Incredibly well researched and written. So maybe "Borderland" is a place to start?
This was our first round. I am guessing it was omicron because that's what's around but most people I know here didn't have it quite so bad, though even among vaccinated people many with vulnerabilities still ended up in the hospital. I am counting our good fortunes!
That is an excellent question. I'm not really knowledgable about Ukrainian history (having focused more on Russia, which is clearly an oversight now), but maybe it's time to start learning a bit more. I will start sending some queries out and see what I can come up with to share. (The whole idea of a pure/original Kyevan Rus' people isn't hogwash exactly, but there's a lot of myth wrapped up in it, from what I understand.)
It’s no surprise to me that your neighbors took care of you because I am sure they’ve experienced you as an extraordinary caregiver and human.
I am trying to learn more about Russia so I appreciate this post and the fact that you continue to write so beautifully through the fog.
Finally, when my brain was in a trauma fog in December, a friend recommended babysitters club and it was perfect.
You never know, I could be an asshole in real life! I'm not but I could be 😂
There is something about Baby-Sitter's Club. The image it shows of healthy female friendships, healthy navigation of tricky family dynamics, and so much love ...
You're writing with great presence through the swiss-cheese-thinking, Nia. I'm sorry to hear about All The Things, and I hope for healing to be as slow and complete as you need it to be. May there be plenty of time for that.
Thank you!
Gosh, I'm so sorry to be reading this several days after you posted! I hope that you're all feeling a bit better! I did a deep dive into that Swedish woman's YouTube channel, so I thank you for diverting me from facing the real world.
Don't be sorry! One of the things I've appreciated about Substack vs. social media is I never, ever feel like I have to read or respond to things immediately, or even in a particularly timely way.
I am weirdly riveted by that channel. It's not the kind of thing I usually spend time on at all but somehow I'm hooked? I think it's partly that she seems to be living the life I always strive for, except she's not getting sidetracked by The Baby-Sitter's Club 😂
I'm so sorry to hear about your recent trials. If this is how you write on brain fog, I want some of what you're having without the bad parts! I do hope all of that is beginning to resolve.
Coincidentally, I just happened across some "doomreading" recommendations by Zeynep Tufekci, the first of which relates to Ukraine and that region (Timothy Snyder - Bloodlands). Others in the comments recommended Serhii Plokhy's Gates of Europe and the 2019 film "Mr. Jones" ( Agnieszka Holland) about the Ukraine famine, though the latter sounds pretty harrowing.
That is very complimentary, thank you! It did take me longer than usual, though my attention felt weirdly more focused, too. The bigger issue is turning out to be the reading, both books (I keep trying to open the Russia one and just can't keep my attention on it), and my paid copy editing work, which is probably a bigger problem if it doesn't resolve soon. Also multi-tasking. My testing-negative kiddo's been back in school a couple of days, and the whole morning preparation hour has been a challenge for me.
Those sound like great recommendations -- I trust Zeynep's judgment on these kinds of issues and perspectives! I'm very tempted by the Anne Reid book "Borderland," just because I loved her book about the Siege of Leningrad so much plus it sounds like it has that deeper history in it.
"“It’s all bullshit.” —my dad, frequently"
I'll second Dad.
"I hoped we’d escape effects like brain fog, and exhaustion, and crawling around the house trying to feed people chicken soup and orange juice and tea, while wanting to do nothing but huddle miserably under blankets. But here we are. Or were. I’m not sure."
Hopefully the brain fog will lift. It's been two years since I got Covid the first time, followed by the year and a half of the slow recovery. The brain works OK, but the physical heart took some damage. I was feeling fine by December and then all hell breaks after Christmas, still cruising along and I got the three-week cruds. Was it BA.2? Doesn't test for it, but sure feels like a much lighter version of the last time I got Covid.
In any event, I hope it lifts for you here soon. It's no good when it sticks around.
"Mostly, I don’t want the people of Ukraine to have to face the stupid, insane cruelty of what’s coming."
I'm sorry. Looks like he's going to wreck the Ukrainian armed forces, trash the government and leave, à la Gulf War I. (The man is good at trolling; he seems to see it as half his job.) I've been expecting this particular conflict for 30 years, and it happily kept not breaking out. I was hoping it would keep not breaking out but no such luck. I'm sorry. 🤍
elm
i feel like apologizing and i didn't do any of it
I am so sorry. That long recovery and a damaged heart sounds incredibly difficult -- maybe even more frustrating because it's not uncommon. I hope things repair for you soon.
I think I agree with you except for the leaving part. I was hoping it would keep not breaking out, too, but honestly I don't think Putin believes anyone has the capacity or will to stop him.
I hope that you are all on the mend. Illnesses piling on top of each other are the worst. I hope you will share more on that Kustanovich book when you finish it.
I will! Promise. Yeah, I'm wondering now if it's possible the primary infection made the Covid worse because it seems to have hit us harder than a lot of people I know who got it recently. But who knows.
Oh no, I hope everyone returns to health soon. You know it's bad when reading becomes so difficult. It's a sad, hard time right now in so many ways. Much love to you and your family near and far.
Back to you, thank you 💕
Many good wishes for you and all your family to feel better quickly, Nia!
Thank you! We've got one testing negative, 3 more to go ... :)
All my best to you and family, I cannot imagine what you must be going through. We are all thinking of you and sending thoughts our way. Another wonderful, piercing column from you, thanks so much. 🧡
(P.S. I like the orange heart!)
Thank you 💕 Let's send those thoughts to Ukraine! I really haven't even started to contemplate the many bad ways this could turn out. I think a bit part of me is just hoping it'll fizzle.
All my best to your ailing family. I woke up this morning with an image of your smiling face in my mind, which tells me you were part of a dream I was having though I have no memory of it. I hope we were doing something adventurous. I'm certain we were, in fact. Hang in there!
Glad I was doing something more fun in my dreams than grumbling at the fevers and cough that kept waking me up! That makes me feel delighted 💕☺️
Sending so much love to you and your family, both near and far, both literal and global. This was lovely and hit hard.
Thank you so much, Garrett. That means a lot.
I've thought about trying to find my box of pictures from Ukraine. I took them in the summer of '03, just before the Orange Revolution. It's hard to decide whether I haven't dug them out because I don't want to look for them (they're either under my bed or in a dresser upstairs or maybe above my closet, I couldn't say), or because I don't want to see those faces again and think about them being in front of Russian troops.
I'm sorry to hear that the illness had descended on your house. We all have those seasons, and they are just the absolute worst.
If you do find them, I'd love to see them. Maybe with some scramblin' scribbles about your travels? I've never been there. Though I hear you -- thinking about facing that reality right now is very hard.
What a brilliant and moving essay. I have been steeping in my own dread over what may be coming for Ukraine and—because we are all connected—for the world. When I mix that with the plague of post-covid brain fog, the future looks even blurrier to me than usual. I guess all we can do is cling to our remaining brain cells, shore up our gradually decaying civility, and hope for a pendulum swing back to empathy, sanity, and hopefulness.
That is a hope I can get behind, and efforts I can hopefully engage in. I've barely had the courage to face the dread, it all seems so unthinkable. And yet here it is, being thought and done, and who knows what the outcomes will be in the short and the long terms both.
Glad we all have each other.
Hope you guys are felling better. First covid really knocked us out. Omicron wasn't nearly as bad, but still put most of us in bed watching shows all day.
I've been thinking about how to get resources on the Ukraine issue, and should have thought of you. I don't know how to avoid narrative capture, but I've been trying to at least be skeptical of all claims and positions. Do you have any recommendations for Ukrainian history?
Another! This one a cultural Eastern Europe expert shared with me: https://meduza.io/en/feature/2022/02/24/fantasy-is-not-history
Another: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/nationalities-papers/special-collections/ukraine-articles-from-nationalities-papers
Much more academic, and only available for free until the end of March, but that's a link to Cambridge University Press's Ukraine articles, which they've temporarily opened to the public.
Okay, this piece looks like a great place to start: https://lithub.com/understanding-the-ukraine-crisis-a-comprehensive-reading-list/
The author is Lithuanian and works in Waterstones, the major British book chain. I was going to recommend starting with Svetlana Alexeivitch (who's Belarussian) but don't know that she's written specifically about Ukraine. Most of these I haven't read and many I haven't heard of. (Garry Kasparov and Masha Gessen's books were on my mental TBR pile years ago but I never got around to picking them up.) I did pause on Anna Reid's "Borderland" suggestion. I *think* that's the same Anna Reid who wrote "Leningrad," about the World War II Siege of Leningrad, and I thought that book was excellent. Incredibly well researched and written. So maybe "Borderland" is a place to start?
This was our first round. I am guessing it was omicron because that's what's around but most people I know here didn't have it quite so bad, though even among vaccinated people many with vulnerabilities still ended up in the hospital. I am counting our good fortunes!
That is an excellent question. I'm not really knowledgable about Ukrainian history (having focused more on Russia, which is clearly an oversight now), but maybe it's time to start learning a bit more. I will start sending some queries out and see what I can come up with to share. (The whole idea of a pure/original Kyevan Rus' people isn't hogwash exactly, but there's a lot of myth wrapped up in it, from what I understand.)