This was sublime, and you're a damn find reader of your own work.
A thing I hadn't considered much until listening to this right now: how those connections we make with others can also *pull* (or maybe push - the "demanding and ruthless" bit you mention). I definitely feel that compulsion to story, but also, if I was left to my own devices and accountable only to myself, too many of my tendencies to laziness and procrastination and distraction and self-doubt might win the day, and I'd talk myself out of getting anything done, or just fritter the opportunity away by default. But staying accountable, feeling pulled by that expectation, that's a part of the momentum I need to produce. (I didn't have it with my old blog, and I lost the ability to publish anything, and I bet that lack of accountability was a factor.) Sometimes it's a frustrating part of the process, but also it's fruitful.
However important (some part of me now shrieking LOL) my writing is in a general sense, I definitely feel it's providing a service - a feeling helped along by, you know, paying subscribers, and all that. But I'm here to deliver on a demand. There's a pull there, pulling me forward, and away from the suction of my own bad tendencies, until *smacking sound like rubber boot being yanked out of thick mud* suddenly waddayaknow I've got something to publish. That's...a good thing? As long as it's managed, and the ego producing it is, too...
There really is a pull, isn't there? And I like how you explore it here, which is in line with conversations we've had and how I've seen you expressed all of this elsewhere, but differently. We *do* write for readers. Which is different from looking at productivity metrics, growing audiences and subscribers and whatever it is. You write for people who are curious about the world and want to explore it with you! You write for your own curiosity, and also that of so many of us who love reading your writing. It can be looked at as providing a service, or some other language, but it's real.
It's such a balance, which is part of what adds to the essential weirdness of what writing *is* to begin with. I write for myself, I can't help writing, but what I write and how is very much shaped by a dialogue (in whatever form) with those who are reading it. It's amazing! Like so much else of the world. ☺️
Oh my, yes: “Stories can break empires; they can tell our hearts we’re not alone. They make us laugh. They make us grateful to be alive.” Thank you as always, Nia!
I listened to this after reading & have to say that all the extras on the recording are so beautiful. I love hearing you talk about ice while, from my perspective, I’m driving down U street in Washington DC, which is an area filled with nightclubs and bars and restaurants, and a big group of men on motorcycles pulled up in front of everyone waiting at the light — they were getting ready to block traffic pulling their handlebars way back and going up on one wheel and other such tricks. I was right behind them & the rider at the back kept glancing at me to make sure I wasn’t getting impatient & wasn’t going to try to crowd them or honk or anything. And I was trying to signal to him, nah, man, it’s fine, y’all take all the time you want, I’m learning why we create back here, I’m imagining foggy mornings and walks to school in the cold and the years I fell in love.
Seriously, Hannah, I would like to say more about all of that but mostly that the entire scene is sheer poetry. Truly. A beautiful poem that turned my expectations inside-out and changed how I'm going to look at my evening. Thank you! I love the way you folded in her poem in that little fold right at the end. Gorgeous.
It all came from you! I just wanted to share this somewhat improbable scene that unfolded while listening to you — but that somehow did flow together with your beautiful post after all. 😊
Beautiful piece and poem. Yes, I've had these thoughts. And my "soul bowing ” in awe of some wild creature, catching my breath and watching as quietly as possible. Thanks.
That was beautiful, Antonia. I love reading (or listening to) your thoughts and ruminations. This was the right thing for me to read last night before fading into sweet oblivion.
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
Your writing and thoughts has made my life a little bit better, a little bit happier, and a little bit more joyful. So thank you for that. This does count.
I saw this come in last night, but saved it for this morning when I could have a proper listen with my morning coffee. I loved hearing your thoughts on writing. While we write to tell story, I love that you bring up the value of writing just to show the beauty in the world and to connect with another soul over it. And then embody it.
I'm planning on being in Spokane next week, winter and passes willing. I'm sorry to have missed you.
"Connecting with another soul" -- that is so very much it. We write so often to reach one another. Like water.
I'm sorry to have missed you, too! Another person here recommended a labyrinth in town, which I really wanted to visit, but my kid did their research and found a cat cafe, so we spent our one free afternoon there. We managed to get an appointment for a snuggle session and I felt all woozy and relaxed afterward. If you're into cats or even just want to watch them be cute through the glass, it's also got decent coffee: https://kittycantina.com
I'll be driving over Wednesday, attending a couple of Fairchild Airforce Base PFAS meetings, sleeping, meeting the board of West Plains Coalition, and driving back Thursday, all following what's been a PFAS themed week here. There will be a post in due course on all of that. I'd happily adjust my plans to meet a friend, but the cats will have to make do without me. I'm sure they won't miss this dog person too much!
That's a tight schedule! But very important work, thank you for doing it. (There is also a brew pub that has a similar thing with adoptable dogs. We drove by but didn't have time to visit.)
Thanks! That brew pub sounds dangerous. I'd better give it a wide berth. We're between dogs, and plan to stay that way at least as long as my wife is doing Ironmans.
Should I predecease my wife, I have no doubt I'll be replaced with a cat while I'm still warm!
I felt so shocked reading that you hadn't seen the moon in some time, I take for granted my usually cloudless nights here in Florida. I found myself looking up at her full beauty often this last week, she was really outdoing herself!! I kept thinking, how many people have stopped to acknowledge her beauty today, right now, perhaps in this moment? That human connection, those soul bows as you so rightly called them, is so beautiful. Thank you for writing this!
I think much of the winter forecast where I live can be summed as (aside from snow and cold), "Cloudy with a chance of cloud." It can be overcast for weeks! Thank you for reminding me that the same is not necessarily true of the rest of the world right now. I like thinking of Moon shining down on Florida, easing her hurts and coaxing her waters to run the courses they wish to. Thank you for that!
Nia, first of all tight hugs for whatever it is that is weighing on you. I am thinking of you as I brew some tea. Have some when you can.
Second, wow! You have encapsulated the essence of being a writer here with all that is ongoing around you right now with such eloquence. If writing ever left you never to return, we will be so god awfully broken - all your readers. I can feel all your aches and wonder for the world around you. I am just here to tell you thank you for doing it for us, thank you for writing and creating this beautiful community of love, warmth, support, and acceptance. I found home here, alongside you. 💜🌼🤗
😂 I'm glad that one struck a chord with people. I didn't think about it doing so, but writing IS weird! Now I wonder how many other writers think about that sometimes, how weird this whole process is. I can feel an itch toward creating all kinds of things, but writing is the most inexplicable.
Thank you, Swarna. Honestly, your turmeric chai recipe has been an absolute life raft each day. One comforting thing I can make time for and truly appreciate. I had to do without it while on my kid's choir trip and I missed it!
That is way too high praise and I can't imagine having that kind of effect on people's lives. Do you know what I do, though, when I can't write or the creative well feels emptied? I write letters. Maybe all writing is a kind of letter anyway, reaching out to the minds of others, wondering, "What do you think? Did you see that, too? How are you doing? I was thinking of you!"
And YOU, Swarna, have been one of the lights that makes this a place I want to keep being. Truly. 🧡🪔💖
Nia, last week I had some Kashmiri kahwa tea and all I wanted to do is share it with you and our friends here, have a little secret tea party of our own. I am pretty sure a lot of your readers will agree that your impact in our lives is as real and as it gets.
Letter writing feels like the most important tool to let come undone on pages and let ourselves flow without our own judgement. It makes me feel like that when you and I exchange emails over everything that matters to us. Also you are such a place of solace for me. You are like the oak trunk I hold on to when I feel like I might fall off of the face of Earth. And you are right, newsletter do feel like that in a way but not as personal as it does with a friend. Perhaps it all comes down to how we process vulnerability.
I will always be here beside you, rallying for more open space - both physical and intellectual, more compassion and community space for us to spread our wings, and coexist in peace and harmony with all our human and non-human relatives underneath the same share sky and our beloved moon.
We are really kins aren’t we ? No wonder the allure of Russian culture, language, food and animations were such ingrained objects of curiosity for me. I feel a natural pull, an awakening of some sort of genetic memory. I will now go and learn more about samovar. How interesting!
I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
ee cummings! Thank you. It's been a while since I read him. And, back to you. 🥰
yeah, somehow I feel like there's some deeper reason we met because I'm feeling the same way. I never knew there were so many interconnections. I have a lot of learning to do!
Me too, it feels like the invisible threads of some deeper knowing interlinked together. The koreans call it ‘In-yun’. Really there so much to learn and I keep looking up to you 💜🌼
I wish so much we could have a secret little tea party of our own! And now I'm intent on making Kashmiri kahwa tea as soon as I get home (I am on a trip right now) because it sounds delicious and soul-warming. I found a recipe (https://www.whiskaffair.com/authentic-kashmiri-tea-kahwa-recipe/) and was struck by parallels once again because she describes using a samovar, which is how Russians traditionally made tea! I haven't seen people do it regularly since the mid-90s but samovars were standard not that long ago.
You are so, so kind, Swarna. I don't even know what to say except that that last paragraph is one I would like to carry in my pocket wherever I go to remind myself that you, and others, are out there caring about all of this. 🧚🪔✨
That is too kind, Julie. And seriously, the more I see them, watch them, the more it feels like watching some kind of beautiful, embodied river in flight. They're something else.
Always a pleasure to hear your voice, Antonia, nice pictures, take care of yourself too 😊
Always good to see you hear, Alain!
This was sublime, and you're a damn find reader of your own work.
A thing I hadn't considered much until listening to this right now: how those connections we make with others can also *pull* (or maybe push - the "demanding and ruthless" bit you mention). I definitely feel that compulsion to story, but also, if I was left to my own devices and accountable only to myself, too many of my tendencies to laziness and procrastination and distraction and self-doubt might win the day, and I'd talk myself out of getting anything done, or just fritter the opportunity away by default. But staying accountable, feeling pulled by that expectation, that's a part of the momentum I need to produce. (I didn't have it with my old blog, and I lost the ability to publish anything, and I bet that lack of accountability was a factor.) Sometimes it's a frustrating part of the process, but also it's fruitful.
However important (some part of me now shrieking LOL) my writing is in a general sense, I definitely feel it's providing a service - a feeling helped along by, you know, paying subscribers, and all that. But I'm here to deliver on a demand. There's a pull there, pulling me forward, and away from the suction of my own bad tendencies, until *smacking sound like rubber boot being yanked out of thick mud* suddenly waddayaknow I've got something to publish. That's...a good thing? As long as it's managed, and the ego producing it is, too...
Writing is very, very weird.
You're always so kind, Mike!
There really is a pull, isn't there? And I like how you explore it here, which is in line with conversations we've had and how I've seen you expressed all of this elsewhere, but differently. We *do* write for readers. Which is different from looking at productivity metrics, growing audiences and subscribers and whatever it is. You write for people who are curious about the world and want to explore it with you! You write for your own curiosity, and also that of so many of us who love reading your writing. It can be looked at as providing a service, or some other language, but it's real.
It's such a balance, which is part of what adds to the essential weirdness of what writing *is* to begin with. I write for myself, I can't help writing, but what I write and how is very much shaped by a dialogue (in whatever form) with those who are reading it. It's amazing! Like so much else of the world. ☺️
Oh my, yes: “Stories can break empires; they can tell our hearts we’re not alone. They make us laugh. They make us grateful to be alive.” Thank you as always, Nia!
Your stories, too, Greg! Thank you. 🧡
I love your writing and photos and the glimpses into a life so far away and different. And I love that poem too, thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Sofia! And yes, that poem. It's really something else. Sometimes you run into one that's just WHEW.
I listened to this after reading & have to say that all the extras on the recording are so beautiful. I love hearing you talk about ice while, from my perspective, I’m driving down U street in Washington DC, which is an area filled with nightclubs and bars and restaurants, and a big group of men on motorcycles pulled up in front of everyone waiting at the light — they were getting ready to block traffic pulling their handlebars way back and going up on one wheel and other such tricks. I was right behind them & the rider at the back kept glancing at me to make sure I wasn’t getting impatient & wasn’t going to try to crowd them or honk or anything. And I was trying to signal to him, nah, man, it’s fine, y’all take all the time you want, I’m learning why we create back here, I’m imagining foggy mornings and walks to school in the cold and the years I fell in love.
Seriously, Hannah, I would like to say more about all of that but mostly that the entire scene is sheer poetry. Truly. A beautiful poem that turned my expectations inside-out and changed how I'm going to look at my evening. Thank you! I love the way you folded in her poem in that little fold right at the end. Gorgeous.
It all came from you! I just wanted to share this somewhat improbable scene that unfolded while listening to you — but that somehow did flow together with your beautiful post after all. 😊
It all flows in and out of one another. I loved reading what happened when you listened!
Also that is a heck of a scene to imagine but even more so to see in person!
Beautiful piece and poem. Yes, I've had these thoughts. And my "soul bowing ” in awe of some wild creature, catching my breath and watching as quietly as possible. Thanks.
Thank you, Joan! I am glad to hear of others sharing in these beauties and what they remind us of.
Beautiful as always. Thank you. And the poem; you're right, it's like a small campfire throwing sparks every time I read it.
Keep walking, Antonia.
Thank you, Jason! I love that description, too. That's a perfect way to put it. To write poetry like that would be something else.
Thank you for being your own fierce campfire shining a lot on what truly matters.
Thank you Antonia. Exactly why I come back to Substack, and to your writing.. To read something as beautiful a reminder as this..
I feel likewise about your writing, truly. I look forward to it. 🧡
Think it'll come out tonight... I'm writing it today, but will need to finish it tonight too.
That was beautiful, Antonia. I love reading (or listening to) your thoughts and ruminations. This was the right thing for me to read last night before fading into sweet oblivion.
Thank you so much, Kenneth. You are a true bright out here among our forests and rivers.
“The soul bows.” 🙏🏽
🧡🧡🧡
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
Your writing and thoughts has made my life a little bit better, a little bit happier, and a little bit more joyful. So thank you for that. This does count.
There's always a LOTR line, isn't there? That's one I think about all the time. Thank you, Gandalf. And Chris!
Thank YOU. It doesn't feel like much unless it touches people, and I'm grateful to know it sometimes can.
Some day the thing you write may not spark a Tolkein thought in my brain, but today is not that day.
There's most usually something that you write that I'm glad that I read (even when I don't wade into the comments). So, you know, danke!
Bitte schön! And danke in return. Your responses always spark something I hadn't thought of.
"Today is not that day." 🤴 Even if we have to delve deep into the Silmarillion, I bet there's always a quote.
I saw this come in last night, but saved it for this morning when I could have a proper listen with my morning coffee. I loved hearing your thoughts on writing. While we write to tell story, I love that you bring up the value of writing just to show the beauty in the world and to connect with another soul over it. And then embody it.
I'm planning on being in Spokane next week, winter and passes willing. I'm sorry to have missed you.
🦅
"Connecting with another soul" -- that is so very much it. We write so often to reach one another. Like water.
I'm sorry to have missed you, too! Another person here recommended a labyrinth in town, which I really wanted to visit, but my kid did their research and found a cat cafe, so we spent our one free afternoon there. We managed to get an appointment for a snuggle session and I felt all woozy and relaxed afterward. If you're into cats or even just want to watch them be cute through the glass, it's also got decent coffee: https://kittycantina.com
Yes! All water is connected!
I'll be driving over Wednesday, attending a couple of Fairchild Airforce Base PFAS meetings, sleeping, meeting the board of West Plains Coalition, and driving back Thursday, all following what's been a PFAS themed week here. There will be a post in due course on all of that. I'd happily adjust my plans to meet a friend, but the cats will have to make do without me. I'm sure they won't miss this dog person too much!
That's a tight schedule! But very important work, thank you for doing it. (There is also a brew pub that has a similar thing with adoptable dogs. We drove by but didn't have time to visit.)
Thanks! That brew pub sounds dangerous. I'd better give it a wide berth. We're between dogs, and plan to stay that way at least as long as my wife is doing Ironmans.
Should I predecease my wife, I have no doubt I'll be replaced with a cat while I'm still warm!
😂🐱
I felt so shocked reading that you hadn't seen the moon in some time, I take for granted my usually cloudless nights here in Florida. I found myself looking up at her full beauty often this last week, she was really outdoing herself!! I kept thinking, how many people have stopped to acknowledge her beauty today, right now, perhaps in this moment? That human connection, those soul bows as you so rightly called them, is so beautiful. Thank you for writing this!
I think much of the winter forecast where I live can be summed as (aside from snow and cold), "Cloudy with a chance of cloud." It can be overcast for weeks! Thank you for reminding me that the same is not necessarily true of the rest of the world right now. I like thinking of Moon shining down on Florida, easing her hurts and coaxing her waters to run the courses they wish to. Thank you for that!
Nia, first of all tight hugs for whatever it is that is weighing on you. I am thinking of you as I brew some tea. Have some when you can.
Second, wow! You have encapsulated the essence of being a writer here with all that is ongoing around you right now with such eloquence. If writing ever left you never to return, we will be so god awfully broken - all your readers. I can feel all your aches and wonder for the world around you. I am just here to tell you thank you for doing it for us, thank you for writing and creating this beautiful community of love, warmth, support, and acceptance. I found home here, alongside you. 💜🌼🤗
That's it exactly. Thank you!
And Antonia, in addition to thanks for all you do and all your words, special thanks this week especially for: "writing is very very weird..."
😂 I'm glad that one struck a chord with people. I didn't think about it doing so, but writing IS weird! Now I wonder how many other writers think about that sometimes, how weird this whole process is. I can feel an itch toward creating all kinds of things, but writing is the most inexplicable.
Thank you, Swarna. Honestly, your turmeric chai recipe has been an absolute life raft each day. One comforting thing I can make time for and truly appreciate. I had to do without it while on my kid's choir trip and I missed it!
That is way too high praise and I can't imagine having that kind of effect on people's lives. Do you know what I do, though, when I can't write or the creative well feels emptied? I write letters. Maybe all writing is a kind of letter anyway, reaching out to the minds of others, wondering, "What do you think? Did you see that, too? How are you doing? I was thinking of you!"
And YOU, Swarna, have been one of the lights that makes this a place I want to keep being. Truly. 🧡🪔💖
Nia, last week I had some Kashmiri kahwa tea and all I wanted to do is share it with you and our friends here, have a little secret tea party of our own. I am pretty sure a lot of your readers will agree that your impact in our lives is as real and as it gets.
Letter writing feels like the most important tool to let come undone on pages and let ourselves flow without our own judgement. It makes me feel like that when you and I exchange emails over everything that matters to us. Also you are such a place of solace for me. You are like the oak trunk I hold on to when I feel like I might fall off of the face of Earth. And you are right, newsletter do feel like that in a way but not as personal as it does with a friend. Perhaps it all comes down to how we process vulnerability.
I will always be here beside you, rallying for more open space - both physical and intellectual, more compassion and community space for us to spread our wings, and coexist in peace and harmony with all our human and non-human relatives underneath the same share sky and our beloved moon.
We are really kins aren’t we ? No wonder the allure of Russian culture, language, food and animations were such ingrained objects of curiosity for me. I feel a natural pull, an awakening of some sort of genetic memory. I will now go and learn more about samovar. How interesting!
I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
- EE cummings
ee cummings! Thank you. It's been a while since I read him. And, back to you. 🥰
yeah, somehow I feel like there's some deeper reason we met because I'm feeling the same way. I never knew there were so many interconnections. I have a lot of learning to do!
Me too, it feels like the invisible threads of some deeper knowing interlinked together. The koreans call it ‘In-yun’. Really there so much to learn and I keep looking up to you 💜🌼
Ooh. In-yun. I've never heard of that. How beautiful. Like serendipity maybe. And it's totally mutual!
I wish so much we could have a secret little tea party of our own! And now I'm intent on making Kashmiri kahwa tea as soon as I get home (I am on a trip right now) because it sounds delicious and soul-warming. I found a recipe (https://www.whiskaffair.com/authentic-kashmiri-tea-kahwa-recipe/) and was struck by parallels once again because she describes using a samovar, which is how Russians traditionally made tea! I haven't seen people do it regularly since the mid-90s but samovars were standard not that long ago.
You are so, so kind, Swarna. I don't even know what to say except that that last paragraph is one I would like to carry in my pocket wherever I go to remind myself that you, and others, are out there caring about all of this. 🧚🪔✨
I love that you write such lyrical prose and then punctuate it with a line like, “Writing is very, very weird.”
😂
It is, though, isn't it?
Reading this felt like that pause for the bald eagle. I admire the way you conjure place and senses, moon glow and cold and birdsong and wonder. 👏
That is too kind, Julie. And seriously, the more I see them, watch them, the more it feels like watching some kind of beautiful, embodied river in flight. They're something else.