Years ago I shared an apartment with a guy who used to take a month-long vow of silence whenever the mood struck him. He was the night cleaner at the coffee shop where I worked and played in a band (or sang? I can’t remember now). The apartment was absolutely frigid—my room was a kind of closed-in former second-story sun room and it was the middle of a Minnesota winter—but it was cheap and we got along fine.
I've only ever tried to use a guided meditation once, and I despised it. When I have opportunity to sit, the last thing I want is any connection to anything electronic, anyone talking to me, any guidance, none of it. Maybe that's arrogance, I don't know, but the world is coming at me all the time anyway, people are suggesting, "You know, what you ought to do is.... " and I just can't abide it. So I flail away ignorant and untrained and that's good enough for me. I don't know what sitting is doing for me beyond training my body to be able to sit still but I feel like that is its own benefit.
All that said, my practice, which was daily for a long stretch, has suffered. My old cat doesn't much leave the room where here bed and food is anymore, which is here in my "office." And she has decided that the best time to get additional pets (and random bites in at my toes, elbows, and knuckles) is as soon as I lower my fat ass onto my cushion. My perspective then is that what is the point of meditating if it's more important than rubbing the ears of this 21+ year companion who won't be around much longer?
What a wonderful article! It hit me on several levels and areas, thanks for that :-). I've always struggled with meditation (I am beyond haphazard!) , and this Zen saying captures it *perfectly* for me: "Meditation in activity is a hundred, a thousand, a million times superior to meditation in repose". Of course that works for me, esp hiking alone.
I too have been impacted by the formlessness (what a great description!) of the days, but for me it has been mostly about a physical injury and recovering. The most frustrating (ie slow to heal) one I have had so the days are reduced to tending to it, reading, doom scrolling :-), eating, YouTubing, etc. I've tried to find some beauty in the monotony and such, but it is eluding me. I am embracing the Stockdale Paradox (https://innovationandcreativityinstitute.com/stockdale-paradox/) and looking ahead but trying to make the most of the moments.
You talk briefly about the relationship of time to silence, and the "invasion of time," and that's exactly what I feel when I'm in silence: an inner sense of spaciousness and time. I live with others, so taking a morning or a full day or silence (I've never tried a month!) requires some arrangement, but once that's done, it's very freeing.
One thing I like about silence is how simple it is. Sure, it encourages you to be more present, in the moment, aware of your body and your thoughts—like meditation. But you aren't *trying* to do any of those things. You have one job: don't talk. I don't always find it pleasant? But I always find it refreshing.
It’s unbelievably productive and feels wonderful, in part because I don’t have to give or receive conversation unless I choose to and can dedicate all my prime hours to writing, but that’s not my life.
“
That’s key! Conversation (especially real time , verbal) is exhausting and it can drag on and on. The parties feel the need to fill any dead space . I much prefer written communication. So much easier.
I want a virtual library. Where everyone can sit and work and perhaps just occasionally talk. Or something.
The days gets lonely , even though they are productive !
Wonderfully written as always! I am in this very fortunate position to have complete control over my time for the past six months. I’ve been working on some massive projects and shifting from motion to progress. This has allowed me to make some hard choices about some people in my life that were toxic. The distractions stripped away allowed me to confront things head on finally. I have been enjoying the quiet , but it gets lonely sometimes. My spouse is gone Sunday night to Thursday night. So I fill the time with work. At least I’m scheduling downtime :) and I’m on conference calls/in person meetings one day a week. Still it’s definitely a toll!
Wow Antonia. Thanks for the kind words about Pondercast. I am - like you - muddling through this with hugely conflicted feelings about everything - including meditation. I know quiet helps. I feed the fire and feed myself and my daughter ... and we do sit for long stretches saying nothing ... and those moments suit me best. Xox
I've only ever tried to use a guided meditation once, and I despised it. When I have opportunity to sit, the last thing I want is any connection to anything electronic, anyone talking to me, any guidance, none of it. Maybe that's arrogance, I don't know, but the world is coming at me all the time anyway, people are suggesting, "You know, what you ought to do is.... " and I just can't abide it. So I flail away ignorant and untrained and that's good enough for me. I don't know what sitting is doing for me beyond training my body to be able to sit still but I feel like that is its own benefit.
All that said, my practice, which was daily for a long stretch, has suffered. My old cat doesn't much leave the room where here bed and food is anymore, which is here in my "office." And she has decided that the best time to get additional pets (and random bites in at my toes, elbows, and knuckles) is as soon as I lower my fat ass onto my cushion. My perspective then is that what is the point of meditating if it's more important than rubbing the ears of this 21+ year companion who won't be around much longer?
What a wonderful article! It hit me on several levels and areas, thanks for that :-). I've always struggled with meditation (I am beyond haphazard!) , and this Zen saying captures it *perfectly* for me: "Meditation in activity is a hundred, a thousand, a million times superior to meditation in repose". Of course that works for me, esp hiking alone.
I too have been impacted by the formlessness (what a great description!) of the days, but for me it has been mostly about a physical injury and recovering. The most frustrating (ie slow to heal) one I have had so the days are reduced to tending to it, reading, doom scrolling :-), eating, YouTubing, etc. I've tried to find some beauty in the monotony and such, but it is eluding me. I am embracing the Stockdale Paradox (https://innovationandcreativityinstitute.com/stockdale-paradox/) and looking ahead but trying to make the most of the moments.
Thanks again for your refreshing thoughts.
Paul
You talk briefly about the relationship of time to silence, and the "invasion of time," and that's exactly what I feel when I'm in silence: an inner sense of spaciousness and time. I live with others, so taking a morning or a full day or silence (I've never tried a month!) requires some arrangement, but once that's done, it's very freeing.
One thing I like about silence is how simple it is. Sure, it encourages you to be more present, in the moment, aware of your body and your thoughts—like meditation. But you aren't *trying* to do any of those things. You have one job: don't talk. I don't always find it pleasant? But I always find it refreshing.
“
It’s unbelievably productive and feels wonderful, in part because I don’t have to give or receive conversation unless I choose to and can dedicate all my prime hours to writing, but that’s not my life.
“
That’s key! Conversation (especially real time , verbal) is exhausting and it can drag on and on. The parties feel the need to fill any dead space . I much prefer written communication. So much easier.
I want a virtual library. Where everyone can sit and work and perhaps just occasionally talk. Or something.
The days gets lonely , even though they are productive !
Wonderfully written as always! I am in this very fortunate position to have complete control over my time for the past six months. I’ve been working on some massive projects and shifting from motion to progress. This has allowed me to make some hard choices about some people in my life that were toxic. The distractions stripped away allowed me to confront things head on finally. I have been enjoying the quiet , but it gets lonely sometimes. My spouse is gone Sunday night to Thursday night. So I fill the time with work. At least I’m scheduling downtime :) and I’m on conference calls/in person meetings one day a week. Still it’s definitely a toll!
Wow Antonia. Thanks for the kind words about Pondercast. I am - like you - muddling through this with hugely conflicted feelings about everything - including meditation. I know quiet helps. I feed the fire and feed myself and my daughter ... and we do sit for long stretches saying nothing ... and those moments suit me best. Xox