19 Comments

As long last, I'm catching up on my reading — and grateful to have caught up to this lovely essay. Thanks, Nia. On my walks of late, my pup Odin has seen the best of me (and I've seen the best in him); and in nature we're both enjoying the low, angled light of winter. (Oh, he's also enjoying chasing -- and never catching -- squirrels.)

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Jan 19, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik

Thanks Nia . From the land of Yaqui Apache Hopi Navajo this resonates

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I love this. I want to be the person my nieces and nephews thought I was when they were small. But truly I want to see other people in that way that makes them feel that way. What a goal that is!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik

Thanks for sharing the wisdom of this conversation with us. I have new friendship/relationship goals because of it - to make people feel the inverse of how middle school made you feel. So good.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik

I call them "greenbelt moments." Sometimes when out walking or bicycling I am feeling down or feeling a little out of sorts with the human race. I'll pass someone who, for no particular reason that I'm aware of, looks at me just long enough to catch my eye and give a brief but warm smile, and says hello. That's all they do. No invite to have a conversation, meet for lunch, or spend forever together in eternal bliss. Just a passing recognition of our shared journey through this life. Just two human beings wishing one another well.

But there is power in that moment. Great power. Some might even call if magic. As if pixie dust just sprinkled from the dark cloud I had placed above my head, the world is suddenly transformed. Those ugly scales loosen and fall from around my heart. My step lightens just a bit. I feel more hopeful. The entire day takes on a new countenance. And all from that one moment of grace, all from that one moment of connection. From someone I may never see again.

I decided a few months ago that the best course of action, at least for myself, is to strive to be the kind of person who extends that moment of grace to others--wherever and whenever I can, whether to a stranger on the greenbelt, a checker at the market, or to friends and loved ones--to be the kind of person who turns someone's day around simply by extending a little kindness, a little recognition of our common humanity, or when circumstances allow by taking a few minutes to listen, to really listen. As if to say, "I see you."

I will fail, and perhaps often. After all I still must fight my own demons, and they sometimes get the best of me. But I just don't know any other way to do this.

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Thank you so much for providing the great resources, Antonia. And thank you for your thoughtfulness and depth of soul. You are a gem. I am grateful to have found you.

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First, may I just say, “bog-standard shame” is a brilliant phrase. 😊 Thanks for raising this question. It gave me a chance to reflect on dear friends who do see the best me, one in particular who moved on to the next world but fiercely saw me as an artist at a time when that meant the world to me. And to consider whether I reflect back the best of my dear ones, and how I can do better.

Lastly, I so appreciate your “land back” resources here, in one place. A rich vein! Just had a conversation about land acknowledgments last night and had an inkling of an insight. Here goes . . . The question, what does a land acknowledgment ask of us?, can lead to a deep introspection and also, creative brainstorming in community with others. Land-back is a no-brainer but not the only action by far. If it’s not currently possible, what about seeking out Native people wherever we are? Asking them what we can do to help their movement. The answers will vary widely, I imagine. I’m curious what others here think about that.

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Jan 12, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik

"No more possible than ownership is a rainbow" is a thought I'll hold on to for awhile.

Maybe that's a little like seeing people in a moment rather than an entirety. The colors stand out.

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Jan 12, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik

It's interesting because I feel those who really sees me and see the best and potential of me in a clear objective way are people who I am not close to at all. They are friendly acquaintance (like the ones you just described) or people from work. Perhaps because we don't have personal history neither of us are clouded by expectations of past experiences.

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deletedJan 12, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Antonia Malchik
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